Tucker Max - Tiny Hands means Tiny Penis.

Tucker Maxx is back... fucking you up.

2007-02-09T15:57:00.000-05:00

I cant believe after not posting for 7 months over 100 people a day still come here. Just for you Im back to posting and being the hot shit that I am.

Im going to start posting pictures and stories of the girls I fuck. Starting with the "Girls of 2007" then working backwards. Its going to be hot.

Holy Shit - Tucker Maxx is back and nastier than ever.

2006-07-13T23:51:00.000-04:00

Just kidding faggot. Im sick of that im back shit that I see all over the place. Where have I been? Well sweet lips thats none of your fucking business. I have a life, one that doesnt revolve around the net or blogspot.

Ok now that I have said that, I missed you. I really did, I missed updating for 3 people and missed all the great comments by the brains that come here. Now, here is a test, which of the above was a lie?

Well if you guessed the part where I said "I missed you".. your not only wrong but youre fucking gay..cause only a gay guy would want me to say that...faggot.

Anyway lets get back on track, Im moving this shit shack to a real domain, one that doesnt PIMP that pussy Tucker, every time i post. So stay tuned and to the 3000 people that have come here since july 1, get ready.

this post was typed in under 3 minutes and not proof read. fuckstick

Last Update until whenever I fucking feel like it.

2006-04-28T16:14:00.000-04:00

Can you guess who's camel toe this is???

Well since I dont know how to do the whole "after the jump" thing I guess I'll just have to give you the answer here... ITs Jessica "the lips" Simpson... Get it... Lips.. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

What in the holy that is all holy fuck is Jamie Pressley doing here? I have no idea but if doing a cock tuck turns her on and would get me in her private place, then you should look at me right now...Buffalo Bill aint got shit on me!

Whitney Houston has just signed a deal...

2006-04-28T12:24:00.000-04:00

Whitney Houston is set to star in the upcoming D.A.R.E movie. At first when she read the title of the project she refused, even though she thinks "Crack is Whack". Producers for the movie, backed by HighTimes, told her that D.A.R.E in this case means Drugs Are Really Excellent, to which Whitney agreed. On both issues. That drugs are in fact excellent and that she would do the project. Shooting has begun, and an Uncle Tucker fan got this picture of Whitney before and after makeup.

Is there a category in the Oscars for Best Make-Up, cause the person that pulled this transformation off is a genius. She really does look like a crack addict, its a good thing that no one has ever been able to produce the receits of her drug buys.

Update: I just found out that artist responsible for Whitney's awesome make over is Bobby Brown... hmm never heard of him.

You want beauty ...

2006-04-27T22:09:00.000-04:00

Well then Uncle Tucker will give you beauty...

Anna Benson Nude ...

2006-04-26T20:39:00.000-04:00

If you dont know who Anna Benson is then you never heard of Major League Baseball. Personally I hate watching that shit. Its up there with hanging with your grandparents and working 9-5 on the FUCKING IM ABOUT TO KILL MYSELF TO ESCAPE THIS BOREDOM scale. Seriously even with pounding beers and trying to get some stadium sex I still cant make it through a whole game. Anyway Anna Benson was a stripper before she married pitcher Chris Benson and before the fake titties. Basically she was a pole swinging coke whore. Not that there is anything wrong with that but that's besides the point. But if you're a straight dude, balls intact, you'll notice she's fucking hot. Now lets play a game, can you guess which one is from 1993?

Ah I love it when nudie pics get discovered. Anna don't bother having your attorney contact me, Im not taking it down. Not to mention, you were a stripper for how long????

Picking up steam...

2006-04-26T16:59:00.000-04:00

I am popular again. Im not sure if its the Sex Tape of a Sports Illustrated/Super Model that's doing it or the fact that im fucking awesome and people sometimes just forget. Im pretty sure its the latter. Since you have all taken an interest once again, I feel as though I should be giving you all a good reason for loving me. So after checking out the web for shit to steal from other people this is all I have come up with... I guess Ill just give you a rundown of whets going on in the world. Well atleast what I think is important anyway.

Wanna hear about Darth Dingleberry. Click Picture for story.

This little fucker went to school as Darth Douchebag, and instead of a glock, he went with a bb gun. Fucking dark side man...Really slipping these days.

My best buddy, Ed just opened up a Male Hair Salon(he's gay..just kidding, he's bi), he asked his girls that cut the hair to show him their best work. This what they came up with.. I think next time he'll use a test subject rather than himself

Wanna see how you would go about becoming Siamese twins with one of your friends? It really easy, alls you need is a your buddy, a pipe and a 40 mph collision. OUCH

If you have never gone to gorilla mask to check out Ryan's enormous penis, I mean Boobie Collection, you should. You know what they say about a guy with lots of porn...um he's ah got hairy palms... i got nothing. But he has the porn. LOTS OF PORN

Wanna see the chick who is suing Chris Rock, yeah men neither UNTIL I found out she was NEKKID...

Cindy Juggs Margolis is doing playboy and Denise Juggs Richards is a crazy whore. Read about them both at one of favorites, WWTDD.com

Ok fuckers that should keep you busy for a little while. You just got the total package, humor, news, celebrity gossip and jerky jerk material. Im the best I know.

Carolyn Murphy has a sex tape now I have it TOO.

2006-04-19T11:15:00.000-04:00

Carolyn Murphy is the face of Estee Lauder, a top super model and SI(Sports Illustrated) swim suit cover girl. Man when I was kid I remember when the swim suit edition came, I use to run up to my bathroom, put the shower on as cover, and furiously rough up the subject. Of course I was only 12 or 13 at the time. Im pretty sure when I climaxed only a little clear liquid came out...Umm Uh, anyway back to Carolyn Murphy. She made a sex tape here it is. There, now I have to ah um take a shower.

CLICK PICTURE TO VIEW - VERY NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR
YOUR CHAPPED PENIS

If I was her, im not sure what I would be more embarrassed about, the actual sex tape coming out, or the way I danced like a crazed nude monkey in the beginning... Its so bad I feel embarrassed for her.

UPDATE

Websites across the land have been getting threats from Carolyn's lawyer, ironically the same lawyer as Colin Farrel, to pull the tape or get fined. I say fine, fine me. I was one of the first to post the tape and I will be the last to pull it down.

Meet Alien Cruise...HAHAHAHHAA

2006-04-13T12:40:00.000-04:00

Since im in my Anti-TomKat phase i figured I would treat you all to this new blog... about TomKay, from the view of the baby...its pretty funny..cause I made it.

Link here BabyTomKat.blogspot.com

Tom Cruise M.D ...

2006-04-12T13:58:00.000-04:00

(photo taken from GQ shoot, Cruise insisted they use it)

Tom Cruise basically thinks that he is an M.D. I couldn't agree more, except in this case M.D. stands for Mentally Disturbed. Tom recently went on the record, in the new issue of GQ magazine, saying that he can personally take a drug addict off of heroin in only three days time. Well yeah of course, if I came down off a heroin bender and saw Tom Cruise (Pictured Above) I would get the fuck out of there as soon as possible too. The hits just keep coming with Tom. Oh yeah he also went on to say that he can heal broken bones like Mr Miagi. I honestly don't know where he went wrong. I guess that accident involving him and Goose, fucked him up more than we originally thought. Anywho, here is the direct quote from the article:

"I think it's appalling that people have to live a life of drug addiction when I have personally helped people get off drugs." In the interview Cruise claims he can "get someone off heroin in three days through Scientology's detox programs.....Cruise went onto claim that arm casts were unnecessary, and that broken bones could be healed in just 5 days through Mr. Miagi's obscure hand rubbing followed by a well placed band aid."

Tom I think its time you get yourself a tape recorder, so that when you say stuff like this, you can go back and listen to it, and hear what a douche nozzle you sound like.

Ever wonder what a Vagenis is??? Well now you dont have too Check it out

Rapper "Proof" from Eminems D12 11 shot dead...

2006-04-11T13:12:00.000-04:00

DeShaun Holton aka "Proof"

was shot in the head and killed outside the Detroit night club, Triple C. The rapper was only 30 years old. Police were overheard saying that they haven't found any leads because lack of Proof, hmmm. However they do have a witness that was over heard talking about an argument over what Proof Cristal was, what? . One thing police said they are certain of is that Dashaun wasn't Bullet Proof.. obviously?

There may be grammatical errors in this post, dont lose your head, I didnt Proof read it.

And Im out.

Nissan's new Ad campaign is doing the job..

2006-04-05T13:02:00.000-04:00

News in the auto world is that Nissan has been CRUSHING the competition with the new z350 Ad campaigns. Sales have almost doubled since the company released the much anticipated "Wanna Fuck a hot Blonde? Buy a Nissan"... I swear thats the actual campaing slogan, must be in Europe some where. Anyway check it out...HERE

I see why sales have doubled..
(preview)

I dont understand why they say Sex Sells.

Starting a new Bloggy Blog..

2006-04-05T12:32:00.000-04:00

Ill be starting a new blog with in the week. Details are sketchy and so am I. Ill let you fuckers know more when I do. All I know is the blog will be awesome cause I am awesome. Everything I touch or do is awesome.

Speaking of awesome, I want to tell you all real quick about this bitch I fucked the other night. She was your typical slut, 18, hot, coke head.. you know the deal. Anyway I was sitting in the bar minding my own business and I notice this hot white chick with some nerdy black guy. Black dicks and white chicks make me sick. They say once you go black, you dont go back, actually my motto is once you go black, we dont want you back. Anyway, me being the outspoken asshole that I am waited till they got a little closer and as they walked by I said "Nigger Lover" under breath. Well let me tell you, if you want to piss off both parties of an bi racial couple, that gem will probably work every time. So the dudes tries to get all hard and in my face and says what the fuck did you say.. To which I replied "I said peanut butter". ... woops got to go, ill post the rest later....

cya fuckers.

The perfect house....

2006-03-16T15:22:00.000-05:00

I was looking at these Russian gymnasts and all I kept thinking was, these chicks would be great pieces around the house.
A door mat

Table sculpture

Sofa

Recliner

End Tables

Living Room throw rug

Game Chair - for the kids playing playstation

One for his friend

Stand up Lamp

Folding Table

Umbrella or obviously baseball bat holder

That pretty much covers all the basics of the house... I dont know maybe I just have an eye for interior design..

Tucker scores on Myspace - AGAIN!

2006-03-15T15:38:00.000-05:00

-I have been fucking slaying bitches from myspace for weeks now. Do you all remember Emma? Well I never wound up meeting her, but who cares, she was a dumb bitch anyway. Im not sad because I have been working this other honey, here is her picture I know what your thinking, she's hot. I know this is going to be 100% solid because the bitch emailed me FIRST..

From: jenny
Date: Mar 15, 2006 3:17 PM

Hello
am jenny seeking for Someone special to capture my heart and knows how to handle it with care,one who will cherish me and be willing to share life's greatest joys and sorrows. Someone who's willing to spoil, pamper and love me unconditionally,whom is kind, sincere, honest, passionate, loyal,sense of humor, loving and wants alifetime.and U?when i went through ur profile i really liked it and found both of us %99 compatible,the only %1 missing is that right now am not home.Well am looking for a caring and loving guy who can take good care of me .if you can give us a try ,am sure we can makes something work out this.After the death of my family.: I am looking to meet someone who is honest,sweet,caring,attractive, someone who is getting tired of the bar scene, someonewho will enjoy just spending time together no matter what we're doing.I would love to start traveling more as well.I am into sports and like to explore many different things.I am a fun loving person who loves to laugh and make others laugh. I always try to enjoy the simple things in life,and not take anything for granted. I also enjoy spending time with the family on sundays watching football and playing with the neice and nephews. I love to go out and have fun,but I can also stay in and just relax for easy communication u canthrough jennymyluv_01or u can add me to your messanger list i am looking forward to here from u as soon as possible ..............bye jenny

I replied with quickness...

Mar 15, 2006 3:21 PM
Subject: RE: hi
Hi, wow you are beautiful. What can I do for you? Do you need money$$? Do you need to get to the states? Tell me and I will do it. It doesnt matter what it is.. I think I love you..

Oh its on because she sent me this right back...

From: jenny
Date: Mar 15, 2006 3:34 PM

hello
how you doing am just on the computer wright now but wright now all i need is through love and meant that you guys are curious and you are meant to be bad not to be good so therefore i cant trust man so thereforei have told you my mine if you are interested in getting knowing me so tell me more about your self ..as you have already know some little terminlogy about me ok so i just lost my family in an accident so i dont want to become a widow so i decide to take things in other ok..

Then I sent this back and am awaiting with much anticipation her response...

RE: hello
I cant understand a fucking word of what you are saying, christ what country are you from? It doesnt matter, first I need to know some stuff. Do you have a tight vagina? Do you shave it bald? If you are from Brazil, do you get brazilian bush wax's? Do you fuck on the first date? If so can I fuck your ass and then cum in your mouth? I heard once you go black you wont go back, is that true? If so do you want to test that theory on me? I have never fucked a negro if you are my first that would be cool. I think you could be my wife, and then I could kill you because I dont mind being a widow. How did your family die? Aids? hunger? flies? Can you throw a spear? Get back to me, I think you and I could work out.

Will Ferrell Dead at age 36

2006-03-14T14:38:00.000-05:00

Will Ferrell died yest at the age of 36...

Actor Will Ferrell Dies in Paragliding Accident
Los Angeles -- Actor Will Ferrell accidentally died in a freak para-gliding accident yesterday in Torey Pines, Southern California. The accident apparently happened somewhere near the famed paragliding site after a freak wind gush basically blew Ferrell and his companion towards a wooded area where they lost control before crashing into the dense foilage.

(I-Newswire) - Ferrell and his professional guide, Horacio Gomez of Airtek Paragliding Center attempted the jump at around 2 in the afternoon. According to witnesses, the conditions were basically ideal for para-gliding and the weather did'nt pose a problem at all.

The jump started normally as Ferrell and Gomez glided carefully across the vast area and were seemed headed into the righ direction just before what witnesses said a freak wind somehow blew them off course, causing the paragliding professional Gomez to somehow lose control.

As horrified witnesses looked on, the duo headed straight for the dense woods near the jump off point and crashed at an estimated 60 mph hitting the trees as they hurtled to the ground.

Some friends of the actor who witnessed the accident immediately called up 911. The paramedics vainly attempted to revive the two on their way to the nearby UCSD Thornton Hospital in nearby La Jolla.

The duo suffered major injuries to the head and broken bones that caused the death of the two.

In an interview with Will's parents who was John W. Ferrell in real life, Mary and Hubert Ferrell said their sonn died while doing one of the things he loved the most.

Will was a graduate of the University of California where he finished his Sports Information Degree. Will was born on July 16, 1968. He was 36.

Story here

Lindsey Lohan's Boobie.

2006-02-28T16:34:00.000-05:00

To celebrate and give back to the 500000 people that have come here day in and day out I give you what you have been waiting 3 years for - Lindsey Lohands boob. Now I know that she looks like a freckled skeleton these days but celeb boob is celeb boob and I just want to celebrate so with out further aboob I give you ...

TADA!!! Today is going to be a good day.. Now im off to celebrate Fat Tuesday.

Hey Tucker what the fuck?

2006-02-24T12:28:00.000-05:00

That's the common email I have been getting from my loyal fans. Its actually sad and I feel pity for the poor schmuck that come here everyday looking for updates and shit. It seems that I have lost my creative juices, as one person has so eloquently put it. I know half of you cant even pronounce the word eloquently and those that can sound their way through most defiantly doesn't know what it means. Anyway yea so what, this shit is a lot harder to do than most of you that come here and talk shit about how bad I suck think it is. Day in and day out searching the web for shit to steal or plagiarize. I mean its tough stuff. So with that said I am back bitches. Im going out like Kurt Cobain, with a bang. Updates all through the day today, so stay tuned fuckers. Im going to blow your cocksack off.

Happy Valentines Day..

2006-02-14T13:55:00.000-05:00

Valentines is about getting the pussy.

This chick is hot

2006-02-12T18:06:00.000-05:00

Lucky Guy.

Im just kidding, I would kill myself if I was a midget. They're creepy. The sad thing is you see 2 love birds playing a little minature golf, I see 2 aliens getting ready to spawn a creppy little alian midget. Thats why you are fucked up and come here. So Tucker can help you help yoursleves. In my opinion, the only one that really counts, midgets, drawfs and mexicans(almost midgets) shouldnt be allowed to procreate. In 30-70 years they would no longer exist, problem solved.

Tonight, go find yourself a midget and tell him the new plan.

Penis Enlargers verse Vagina Tightners

2006-02-09T22:15:00.000-05:00

Actually we cant have this debate CAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PILL THAT TIGHTENS A WOMAN'S VAGINA. Why not is the question I have. I am sick and tired of getting 50 emails a day asking me, scratch that telling me that my dick is too small. Guess what mother fuckers, it aint. I have an above average penis size thank you very much. But lets take a look at this for a moment. Girls have it easier than guys in the southern private parts department. Far too many times I hear "It was so small I could barely feel it", well bitch do you think that's maybe cause you can fit a bowling pin in your vag? King Kong wouldn't satisfy you. But can you tell a girl that her shit is loose.

No.

Why not? Men lets stand up for our man that stands up for us. Once and for all. Will it sting, will it get us slapped, yeah probably but Im tired of woman skating free on this one. Sure it may have been a kid or 2 that stretched that hole. But what about the chicks with no kids - Yup, she's a cock whore. Now you be asking yourself "How will I know if she has kids or not" Well dummy you can ask but if you dont want to ask, just look for the stretch marks. Plain and simple. There is no other way or answer for it. So the next time you hear that you have a small cock guys don't take that shit. You stand up and say well if your shit didn't whistle on a windy day maybe just maybe you would feel something. Shit.

I typed this out as fast as you read it so blow me if isnt well thoug out. I just read an article about penis size but I have never read an article that talks about stretched vag. Please guys let it out in the comments.

Here is the ARTICLE I was talking about HERE

Just kidding its Here

Im thinking about killing this at 500,000 hits.

2006-02-09T16:35:00.000-05:00

This blog has been in the dumps probably before I even went to Cali. Im dealing with shit -- never mind this blog was never about me so im not going to start that now.

Im starting a new blog about my life.

I figured between the 4 sites I run I get about 5-7 thousand hits a day. Not alot but but it could be a good start for a new blogger.

If you want the sites there yours. Leave a comment, tell me why you want them and if I agree then there yours.

Its been a pretty good run, I would have never thought 500,000 people would come here in under a year.

Peace out fuckers

Jim.

Title Monthly Hits
Amateur Hour 7224
exgirlfriends 6852
Tucker Maxx 8887

(in case you dont believe the hit count - from my counter)

Big, Big, BIG FUCKING news...

2006-02-06T14:16:00.000-05:00

Me and Myspace Emma are going out Friday night. I guess she was turned on by a guy finally calling her out on her shit and not kissing her sweet ass. I have to tell you guys Im fucking stoked. This chick is fucking hot as nails. Who was I kidding, I never even farted near a girl as hot as this chick. Man I cant wait to get my cock between those luscious titties. Fuck man Im getting hard just typing this shit. I haven't stopped staring at her picture all day. I just hope this isn't some trick to get me alone so her pig I mean big brother can kick my ass. In that case Ill be pissed. I would take a beating if it meant getting to play with her squirrel. Ill steal her beaver covers, take a pic and post on here Sat.

I hope you all learned a valuable lesson in picking up chicks. The lesson being, girls like honesty. If that means calling them a lying bitch with fake tits and no brains then so be it. Im going to punish her crotch. Bitch is going to have to learn to walk again after I get through with her.

I hope she doesn't read this, I don't want her not wearing panties cause I said I was going to take a picture of them.

Oh yeah on a separate note, I want to take a minute and Thank Dredogg, I blamed everything on you needledick. This chicks brother, wants your IP address, which I have, it will cost you 250 bucks to silence me. Stop being a pussy by the way, if you want to talk shit to my future wife then you better be willing to back it up. Pussy.

Myspace - Third and Final battle.

2006-02-03T08:27:00.000-05:00

To my complete delight I logged on myspace this morning and there it was, her final comeback. Wanna read it? Ok here it here it goes...

Im feeling great today. It still sounds like your not getting laid and you have all the anger built up inside.
Its ok sweetheart one day some girl will feel sorry for you and take pitty on your little peanut and you can release some of your aggression that you feel you must take out on me.
You enjoy yourself in N-TOWN and play with your little computer harassing women you will never be able to date.

Good luck with everything.

Poor girl, clearly she is outbrained and obviously she had to think real long and hard(just like my dick) about this. I whipped this back in her stupid face...

Ahaha, my little peanut, again you speak of things you couldn't possibly know about me. Thus rendering your come backs obsolete. (If you need me tell you what that means I will) Just so you have your facts right I have been getting laid and actually since you brought it up, my dick is over 8 inches with impressive girth as well. Normally I don't brag about it, I let him do the talking but since your feeling insecure now about your body and feel the need to insult mine, you have left me no choice.

This comes down to you be all fired up cause youre use to having guys fall at your feet. The simple fact is that I hang and fuck chicks way hotter, alot nicer and not half as stuck up as you. You just aren't all that, you been lied to all this time by dudes who are the EXACT opposite of me. Dudes that have a tiny "peanut" and who don't get "laid" and tell you how beautiful you are, their lying. Change your blurb about yourself. It sucks. I was trying to help you out but I see now that your all chest and no brains - typical. Sweeten up, I could see if you were a super model or something. You aren't though, your a decent looking chick in a pool with fake tits, (real or not it don't matter - there big and useless) trying real hard to be sexy.

I would have zero problems picking you up at a bar, btw, except I dont go to those parts of Bucks County (Bensalem)...I like to stick with the Upper Class people. Clearly after talking with you I made the right choice.

After tallying the totals I believe the score is Tucker 3 Emma 0. I hoped you all enjoy this segmant of MySpace live blogging.

Next episode Tucker picks up Myspace bitch to even the level.

Updated - Myspace Girl owned by Tucker.

2006-02-02T15:50:00.000-05:00

SO I posted a little ditty yest. about me and some retard from myspace. Well Today I sent her this :

Subject: feeling better today?
Have you calmed down, I was worried cause I never heard back from you yest. I thought for sure that a smart "teacher" such as yourself would be better equipped to defend herself.

I guess the only the equipment you count on is your umm, permanent floatation devices for when youre swimming.

Remember those he can do, those who cant - TEACH!!

Ill post her reply after work... its priceless.

Tucker tries Myspace, fucks hot bitches up.

2006-02-01T15:09:00.000-05:00

So the other day I created a myspace account. I only did it so I could see the profiles of highschool bitches. In order to look at the panty pics you need an account of your own. So I did it. I signed up, filled out the profile and added some pictures. For the last 2 days I have been "browsing" profiles of bitches in my area. I must say there are some good opportunities out there. First I searched for 16-17 year olds, ummm to see if my cousin was on here, then I kicked it up to 20-27. I went through the pages, and sent out a few messages. Then I came to this gem, some bitch who thinks she's the shit.

About me:
Im just a normal person like everyone else. I put my socks on one at a time like everyone else. And I like it that way. I can do things myself. People want to treat me like im a queen.. I want someone to say hey lets go to a hockey game and get a couple hot dogs and some beer. Or, I'll kick your ass in some basketball loser buys beer and wings at Hooters. I dont want to hear I will rub your feet and run my fingers through your hair and I want to watch you sleep. "Freaky" Do that when im old when those body parts start to hurt and the meds stop working.
Who I'd like to meet:
I am looking to meet and talk to people for a friendship. MAYBE more. I wont answer emails from people who send me messages like SUP U HOTT. I am a teacher and if you want my attention then write to me like you made it past 12th grade.

Bitch puts up a phony pic and then writes some bullshit about how she is a normal girl bla bla fucking bla... So I sent her a private message that went something like this...

Youre a tool, don't you think that your "blurb" about yourself is a little too much. Sounds like you have a super tough life...ahah...cry me river. come on girl lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously. Sure your ok looking but all the looks in the world only go so far when it comes to relationships. You show me a hot girl who thinks she's all that and Ill show you 5 guys tired of her shit. People are put off eventually by attitude... anyway hello.

TO which she replied....

Im not full of myself. It sounds like you are a little bitter because beautiful women wont date you.

Who me?? Bitter? Nooooooo, I could have said Im sorry but me being me sent this:

HAHA, im guessing your speaking for yourself, considering you dont know any of my exgirlfriends, and by doing so your calling yourself beautiful to a stranger...hmmm not full of yourself - YEAH RIGHT.
Not too bright either cause thats not really what I was saying. I was simply stating that you sound very defensive. To which you proved my point with your reply.

Have a I dated many beautiful woman, no but ive fucked alot, many of which were alot more attractive than you, and didnt even have to try half as hard as you do. Your lips are too small, nose is too big and your tits dont fit your body. Big tits are so 90's btw.

Have a nice day

I just sent that, and I know that she read it cause its says "read". Lets see if this bitch can hang with Tucker... my guess is she screaming at her computer in baby babble trying to figure out how to recover from the pounding she just took.

More myspace stories to follow.

Email from my loyal fan, DreDogg

2006-02-01T09:54:00.000-05:00

I got an email from DreDogg basically saying how awesome I am and asking me since I get so many girls if I could hook him up. I guess its been a while for him, well 3 years according to his email, and he's tired of jerking off to interent porn. I feel for the guy so I said sure. But I would need a picture and some info to work with. This is where its get really funny but really sad at the same time. Instead of going into it Ill just post his picture for you all and give you his stats:

Here's his picture: Cool 80's hair do.

And here is "stats" from the email.
31
5'9
130 pounds
Lives at home with mommy and daddy
Unemployed - Works for welfare
7th grade grad
Considers his right hand the best hook up ever.
Dick looks like a baby's pinky.(his words not mine)

Now Ive never been one to turn away from a challenge, but in this case, I feel that the only solution is suicide. Im sorry Dredogg but you cant get blood from a stone. You have a face that not even a mother could love.

Tucker's Rules - help me help you.

2006-01-31T10:21:00.000-05:00

Most things in this world make me angry, not because im a miserable guy but because your general stupidty drives me crazy. Most of you have no idea what its like being a genius. You see in this world there are two kinds of people, Cream and Sludge. Im the Cream and most if not all of you are Sludge. Sayings like "The cream of the crop" and "The cream rises to the top" apply to me. Simple yet true. So considering that I hang above you, I figured it was job to share some Tuckerisms or rules with you, to help break you of your ignorance. Listen Up, you may just learn something.

New Computer Rule: Stop giving me the fucking pop-up ads for Classmates.com! There's a reason I haven't talk to people for 25 years. Because I don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: he's mowing my fucking lawn.

New Teacher Sex Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who fuck their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky god damned bastards.

New Cosmetic Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, fuck girls, WE DONT CARE unless your sporting a fucking UNI.

New Coffee Guy Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," yeah you're the huge asshole.

New Sports Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. Next they will come out with womans pro basketball, yeah right like woman can play sports.

New HollyWood Rule (Dukes of Hazzard im talking to you): If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie; in the first place.

New Gift Rule: Fuck gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's for fucking cam whores who have wish lists. You know who buy them the shit on those lists, dirty old men and your fathers.

New Bathroom Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just fucking ate in the god damn stall. Hey asshole, do you really feel good about standing in a feces and piss infested 10x10 shoe box? Look man I just want to wash my hands, get my own paper fucking towel and get the hell out with the same amount of money as I walked in with, unless of course I just bought some blow.

New Baby Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. Fuck its not like he's in AA and Im asking his clean date. And I didn't really give a damn in the first place, see what happens when you try and be nice.

New Tattoo Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. Just like the barb wire tattoo around your skinny ass biceps doesn't make you Pam Anderson. Plus that shits right above the crack of your ass, thats tight. And it translates to "Cream of some young guy." Remember, the last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God that didn't have an STD.

New Fucking Water Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called JUICE, asshole. You want flavored water that adults drink? Pour some Jack Daniels over ice and let it melt. Now that's flavored water.

Ok I think I covered alot of shit here. Its up to you to follow this shit. Actually it wont really matter, you will always be sludge in my mind.

Meet Superstar DJ Leigh Lezark and her "friend" Brian Battjer

2006-01-25T15:21:00.000-05:00

Revised Post*******

She is part of the New York super group the MisShapes, which is some type of indie rock/dj/wanna be party monsters. He works for an online mag and runs the super cool site I keep a diary.com

Now I know that this is completely against everything I am and stand for BUT after looking through Brians website I came to the conclusion he seems like a super chill dude. Actually seeing his pictures and reading his comments I realized he and I have a lot in common like age, likes to drink and the ability to bag smoking hot chicks, just to name the important ones. IF Leigh is his girl/friend/both than I would treat her like all my "friends" (cause if I lived in NYC and met Brian I would probably be friends with him) hot girlfriends and treat her with much love and respect. (with the hopes that if/when they broke up I can get on that...You know the deal.)

So here is the thing, the comments yest, actually did piss me off. I wasn't just sayin that playing good cop. I think its fucked up how people jump at the chance to be so mean. So fuck you guys who got nasty. Brian and Leigh I wish you the best and if you are ever in Philly hit me up, ill take you around and Brian I will most likely hit on Leigh atleast twice.

Check out Brains(thats for you Brian) and Leighs sites... they are alot cooler than this one is.. Oh yeah and cause Im TuckerMax, internet asshole Im keeping the hot pictures up..

She had me "None" but I suggest you read on.

No harm was meant with the first post.

Update coming tomorrow

2006-01-21T16:32:00.000-05:00

Im in the process of writing up my adventures in California, 30% is a complete blur so Im going to have to make that shit up. Im sure it wont be half as crazy as what actually happened. I can tell you this, Im pretty sure in 8-9 months the worl will be a better place cause Ill have created 3 or 4 minnie me's. Cause I like to fuck and I dont like to fuck with rubbers and pulling out is for pussies.

IN THE MEAN TIME CHECK THIS HOTTIE OUT:
The first picture goes to a 33 picutre gallery.

Guess who's back... Back again...

2006-01-19T08:13:00.000-05:00

GOOD MORNING FUCKERS. Your hero has returned, triumphant, from his travels across the globe. I have lots to tell you, but not just yet. Once I can piece it all together and lie in the rest I will but until then just be relieved that your boy is back..

Jennifer Anistons Nude Sunbathing Pictures

2005-12-06T19:50:00.001-05:00

Lets Go Out With Boobs!!! I mean a BANG!!!

Jennifer Aniston's lawyer is threating to sue any website that publishes the pictures of her cuaght topless sunbathing. Well hey, guess what Jen, we didnt make you take your top off - did we? We didnt ask you expose your beautiful firm titties with hershey kiss nipples - did we? We havent been waiting for you to do somehting like this since 1990 - have we? Well that last one is a yes but you get the point. SO I TUCKER MAXX GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANTED - YOUR TITTIES ON THE INTERNET.

And thats thats thats thats all folks... Let sue, what are they going to take? My famous crusty actress panties?
Oh I hope you like the little *cookie I threw in there..always fucking you guys up.

Off until January 8th.

2005-12-06T19:13:00.000-05:00

I off to LA to pursue an actress, who will remain a mystery until I fuck her doggy stlyle and post pictures of her signed crusty panties. Im sure I have all your best wishes, thanks fuckers. See unlike you I have what it takes to make it outside my mothers basement. Banging famous bitches in Hollywood should be easy for me. I have good looks, a great personality and undeniable charm. I even plan on being cast in a big picture by the end of next week. I leave tomorrow and im not sure if I will have internet access. Im not bringing my laptop so unless I run into a pc with internet access, you are all SHIT OUT OF LUCK. To the thousands and thousands that come here every week, I will remember you when I hit it big. Thanks and try not to be too jealous. Its not your fault God blessed me and not you.

Peace out poptarts.

TuckerMaxx Battle Axe.

Ps. i have offered someone a chance to write for the site, its up to him if he takes that opportunity. If he does that's great cause he's one funny mother fucker. He probably wont cause he's real busy doing his own stuff. Either way, you always have the Tuckermaxx Archives. OR the Picture Galleries of all my sites OR sites I go to daily
Fark.com
AttuSeesAll
WhatWouldTylerDurdenDo.com
PerezHitlton.com

My Favorite - Oreo Cookie

In your face FUCKERS.

2005-12-05T15:58:00.000-05:00

Check this email out fuckers.

Dear Tucker,
First of all. I wanted to tell you that you have a great site. I am a woman, BUT I DO NOT LIKE WOMAN. OK I just think it is fucking funny that all these whores are getting blasted out. LOL. I saw one of your last posts about posting pictures of a girl you had sex with. She is very pretty, but do you think she is as pretty as me?
I sent you some pics to compare with. I hope you enjoy and keep up the site. It makes me laugh daily.

Love Nikki

Please Do not share my email address :)

WHAT NOW MOTHER FUCKERS. I would like to thank Nikki for sending in her pictures. If you would like to thank her too, here is her email address. nikkilynn070803@yahoo.com . Now dont be mad at me Nikki, you should have known better.

Laguna Beach - The Real Scoop

2005-12-05T12:17:00.000-05:00

Im not going to lie, I fucking love the show. So here is a super fan gossip that Im going to share with you all. Not that you deserve it, more cause its like just hearing a secret...I have to tell SOMEONE.

Jessica is not very smart (duh!) nor very pretty in person. She is in
community college and not doing a whole lot. Source asked her if her
parents were mortified by her behavior - she said they weren't exactly pleased. She just used Jeff (boy that was at end of season)- didn't really like him, just wanted someone to make out with.

Stephen and Jason are good friends and live together in LA, but Jason is always at L.C's. Turns out he and LC never broke up and are still dating. Also, turns out Jason has some MAJOR issues - the reason he didn't go to graduation.......he didn't graduate. He failed his senior year. Ditto for Talan. More on Jason - he has been in and out of rehab about 3 times in the past year. He is also bipolar and is on some major medication. His grandparents are the wealthy ones and his parents don't really work- just live off of the grandparents. Another tidbit - Jason used to hit (ie, abuse) Alex M. when they dated. Per Alex M., the reason you didn't see that in the show is b/c MTV was trying to sell a fantasy. That is also why you don't see Alex M. and Jason actually break up

More on Talan his mom used to be some actress so is pretty well-connected in Hollywood. The engagement to Kimberly Stewart is just a publicity stunt - they aren't really engaged. His mom is trying to coach him on getting himself into
the limelight.

Stephen and Kristin are dating - they just got back from a
vacation together in Hawaii - she's not really dating that Jenner guy -
another publicity stunt. Kristin is trying to "make it" in Hollywood.

Taylor is at school at the University of Arizona.

Alex H. and Alex M. are roommates. Alex M. is trying to make it in the music world and Alex H. dates a guy in Alex M.'s backup band.

LC is supposedly the meanest person of the bunch - they say she is the least approachable.

Another thing, is apparently MTV and BMW have some sort of deal, which
is why you always see them driving around in BMWs - ie, Kristin's dad
didn't really buy her the BMW - she got it from MTV.

Ok ladies and Uncle Eddie... Im going to make you cream your panties...

2005-12-05T11:18:00.000-05:00

My best bud Uncle Eddie is a huge Brad Pitt fan. It seems that Brad and Angelina have moved to next level, he is adopting her children. Which is cool. See they are doing it right, everyone knows, including Angie, that popping out kids, DESTROYS a womans vag. Plain and simple. Shit is no longer tight. So Brad is smart for going for Angie who knows what she needs to do to keep her shit T-I-G-H-T. Anyway, its a good thing, cause Brad doesnt have a whole lot to work with...How do I know this?? Well here now is a world EXCLUSIVE.. Brad Pitt nude, for the ladies and Uncle Eddie.
To see the Naughty Version, click here:

Your Welcome Unlce Eddie.

You all need to back the F*** up.

2005-12-04T22:03:00.000-05:00

The little joke I played last week has really pissed some people off. Look, you are the fools who filled out the survey. I didn't twist your arm-did I? In the 6 emails I got, which Im going to post tomorrow, with the email addresses, haha jokes on you AGAIN, they all pretty much said, this was a work address or if I get spam Im going to fuck your tuckermaxx@gmail account up. Go ahead you fucking basement dwellers, you want to wage a war against me BRING IT THE FUCK ON. As my grand father use to say, "You grand mom was a lion in the sack, that's what Im talking about". of course he was half insane then. Ill slaughter you mindless freaks. Seriously why would you even think that you could be sexier then me... if asinine. Have you looked in the mirror??
Anyway I feel kindof bad, as a little peace offering, im going to show you all a few pics I took over the weekend of Michelle, my new fuck buddy. Enjoy.

Click here for the rest...

I will bet you all think this bullshit, why would I show off a girl I just fucked, well its easy, to show you fuckers why you could never match my sexiness. Proof is in the pudding, and the pudding is what I just ate, fucked and abused all weekend.
fuckers.

Sweet sweet porn

2005-12-01T20:09:00.000-05:00

You have to wonder why such sweet and innocent girls would take a camera, strip off their clothes and snap away BUT then give them to guys. I mean really, how dumb can these chicks be. I know for a fact if a girl sent me the fleshies I would be throwing them up on the net, you know why? Cause Im doing it right now...haha. More stolen pics from around the web of self taken nudie pics.
Gallery 1

Gallery 2

You may see red X's, you have to click on the pic to see the full verison. It will show. Peace out niggers. And remember in the gmae of life, "You win some, you lose some, but atleast your ass aint riding the bench."

I Fucking FOOLED YOU ALL.. HAHAHA

2005-11-30T13:32:00.000-05:00

Haha the jokes on you guys it wasn't a test to compare your sexiness with mine. Below is a list of men, all ages that wanted to see how "Sexy" they are...HOMOS. Instead its a prank that actually sent ME the TEST RESULTS. So guys To reward your stupidity im going to show the world your results, which most of you lied about, along with your email addresses.

It will tell you their sexual experiences, preferences, penis size and EMAIL ADDRESSES.
So ladies look through the list and give your man a shout out!!!

Let us begin
Ben, 31
Paco
Chuck
Josh, 23
Michael
Jim
Tony
Rich
Jack
Wayne
Mike
Paul
Erik
tiny Dick
Bucky
Dennis
Ben -first
Thats only half of them, the rest I either dont feel like doing or didn't come with the person's email address.

Tucker 1 Retards 0

Original Link
See how sexy you are compared to me

(Now before any of you start crying, remember this is your own fault, WHY? Because there isn't a test in the world that would prove your sexier than me. Its really just stupid of you all to even think its possible. Me being me and you being you, its a given. So now not only have I proven to be sexier BUT IM ALSO SMARTER)

Im going to use this...

2005-11-29T12:27:00.000-05:00

The Letter Sender to send a letter to my boss telling him I deserve a raise. This is such a simple idea, I hope it works out for the guys doing it. Its actually pretty funny, you can send a letter to anyone, through these guys to anyone you want. The options are ENDLESS.

Im actually going to do it. YOU GUYS TELL ME WHO AND WHAT AND ILL DO IT. The best idea in the comments will win.

Shit for 6 bucks its worth the look or shock of the person getting the letter.

Difference between Guts and Balls.

2005-11-28T13:12:00.000-05:00

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? Well of course you don't, because you are half a retard and need Tucker to explain everything to you. I thought of ways I could explain it to you, but I figured a simple analogy using a "wife" would be best. So here goes,

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer,lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."

Any questions?

Jessica Simpson is going to hell...

2005-11-24T14:16:00.000-05:00

That's right, she is about to commit a mortal sin and get divorced. In case you haven't heard she and Nick have announced that they are getting separated. Which is bullshit cause everyone in the know, knows that they been separated for months now. Fucking A right, which means that I could get her if I wanted to. Remember when I told you , For every hot bitch out there, I could find you a dude that is sick of her shit??? Well mother fuckers, maybe now you will all listen to me. Late last night that couple issued this statement:

"After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways. This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time."

These are pictures of the happy couples vacation 2 months ago in Venice, it seems like they tried one last time to resolve their problems. Sadly these pictures will most likely be the last of them together..
Going...

Going...

Gone.

Symbolic really...Fucking faggots.
There is one little problem, Mtv who filmed the couple first three years, well only 3 years , still has a DVD left to put out. Its called Nick and Jessica, the final year. So the executives are scrambling around trying to figure out what the fuck they should do. I have an idea, here is a picture of the DVD, slightly modified by myself, to help Mtv. Im just trying to give back... Happy Thanksgiving.

What do you think??

Stolen pictures of ASU Cheerleader.

2005-11-23T22:53:00.000-05:00

Girls let their boyfriends take pictures of them nude or tape them having sex? No big deal right, happens everyday. I know I have done it, with a few ex girlfriends. But every once in a while the "evidence" is either stolen or shared and then falls in the wrong hands. Its even happened to famous people, Paris Hilton and Pam Anderson for example. You would think people would learn their tough lessons. Right? Wrong.
Now for the story, an ASU cheerleader, who will remain nameless on this blog, is currently perusing legal action against her EX boyfriends fraternity brothers. It seems that a tape of her having sex with her boyfriend was "stolen" out of his camera. Yeah right, you know that mother fucker was showing that shit off as soon as she left the frat house. Shit I would too if I just hit a piece of ass as hot as her. I mean look at her. Well guess what kiddies, I have the pictures. I will keep them up for as long as I can but as soon as I get a letter from her lawyer there coming down faster then she did on him. What a shame, HER POOR PARENTS. I guess this is one of those PRICELESS moments...Atleast her parents can be proud that she is involved in extra curricular activities, like cheerleading and sucking cock on tape. Enjoy!

I love how she is actually cheering in some of these pictures.. Priceless....

Im trying to get the tape, as soon as I do, that shit is going right up.

Thanksgiving - TuckerMaxx style.

2005-11-23T12:42:00.000-05:00

I don't want this site known as a "porn" site. So I hold this shit down with my smarts, not tits and ass. People come here to laugh, cry, look at my ex's nudie pics, learn, steal and every once in a while to jerk off. Today is one of those days. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and if you are of Indian decent I would like to thank you personally for letting us have your land and your women. That was really nice of you to give it up so easy. (pussies) Speaking of Thanksgiving I would like to tell you all what I am thankful for.
In no paticular order here it goes:
I am thankful for Aids, which is called Aids cause it aids the white man in killing the blacks and gays. I would like to thank the gays and blacks for letting Aids work so well. I would like to thank "The Man" for holding all races besides white, down. I would like to thank myself for being so fucking awesome. I would like to thank women for spreading your legs so easy, you're all whores, and good at being dumb. I would like to thank hurricane Katrina for washing one of America's worst cities. I would like to thank the Tsunami, for making Petra Nemkova single. I would like to thank my buddies girlfriend for not telling him about the blow job she gave me in the bathroom. I would like to thank the numerous restaurants for feeding me and not seeing me walk out before paying. I would like to thank the girl that gave me herpes, the gift that keeps giving. I would like to thank my big fat cock, you are most impressive. I would like to thank the 2 whores in sophomore year who doubled teamed me, thank you for making me a legend. I would like to thank the blacks again for holding yourselves down, you lazy fucks. Thank you all.

People I don't want to thank for being worthless, air stealing, piles of shit. Again no paticular order. Niggers, spics, Chinese, Japanese, Indians, Germans, heebs, Jews, blacks, Mexicans, latino's, sand niggers, whaps, French, English and midgets. People in those groups are worthless and offer society nothing but trouble. Give them the chance and they will do wrong.

Oh here are the nudie pics that I stole of a popular image hosting site... They were labled private, so I lookied and tookied.

Kate Moss - Jump around, Jump around, Jump up, Jump up and Get down..

2005-11-22T16:38:00.000-05:00

Kate Moss going House of Pain at a photo shoot... Awesome.

JUMP JUMP JUMP !!!!!

Its a rainy day... Here's some sunshine

2005-11-22T15:39:00.000-05:00

Here is a little sunshine to brighten up my/your day. These pictures are smoking hot. I dont know who this girl is but I wish I did. I would chain her to my radiator and never let her go. Well I would let her go cause no matter how hot a girl is, after 3 months or so that shit gets OLD. You show me a hot slut and Ill find you 5 guys that got sick of her shit. Anyfuckingway, enjoy the ray of sunshine, dont forget to have your mommy put your sun screen on.

Good stuff starts here

I know a few of these are dupes, if they are its cause I liked that picture so much I added it twice. I am not in a position to "change my oil" right now but I assure you all that when I am, I will and it will be glorious.

Jessica Biel is hotter than you.

2005-11-21T11:27:00.000-05:00

I hope you all had a drug and alcohol sex fueled weekend like me. I know you didn't cause you never even left your mothers basements. Fucking pathetic. But fear not, I come to save your day. Well maybe not but atleast you can get your fucking jerk on with these Jessica Biel pictures. It seems that "The Sexiest Woman Alive" was on vacation this weekend. I dont really care, what I do care about is that some pervert was there with his camera and took close ups of her tits and ass. She seems to catch him and then proceed to wave with one finger extended, that was nice.

If you fuckers steal these pictures at least give Uncle Tucker some props. I know you fucking wont and that makes you a Tucker Leach just so you know. Assholes.

You want real ... you got it.

2005-11-18T09:24:00.000-05:00

I cant believe the stuff that people put on the internet. I am a firm believer that anything on the net, save credit and bank info, is FREE mother fucking game. For instance, nude photo's. You all remember Jenna, my ex, right? I took nude photos, posted them and she got pissed but really it was her fault in the end for agreeing to be taped. Well today Im going to go in a differnt direction. You see I am a computer wiz. I happened to "come" accross some photos. Im going to share them with you all, you would do the same, right?

Maybe im an asshole, but anyone that looks through these are an asshole too. So this is a little test in human decenscy. These pictures are STOLEN. Im not going to tell you who they are OR where I stole them from. It could be a friend, it could a camera I "found" or they could be taken from a secure picture site, that has a tiny little leak. None the less, here they are in all there glory.

Lets see who respects other peoples privacy.

I swear to god if anyone says "I saw these before" or "this is fake" ill cut your fucking nuts off in your sleep.

Tucker Maxx fight night

2005-11-17T16:20:00.000-05:00

Body Slam knocks dude the fuck out

Surfers Fight on the beach

UFC fight

Mat Fight ** (1 fighter dies)

UFC-Bitch Slap'

Lohan has had a boob job.... I have PROOF

2005-11-16T14:30:00.000-05:00

The perfect way to tell if a girl has had a boob job or not is the side profile of the boob wearer. In this case Lindsey has made it easy for us. The first picture came out over a year ago. Before puberty was over. You can tell, how? Puffy nipples. Now the second picture, look how round and define the undercarage of the breast is... I think her real boobs were lost after puberty, she lost a ton of weight on the snow white diet and her boobs too, she realized that she had only had 2 things going for her, her red hair and her body(boobs). Ditched the hair BUT got the boobs back. Fucking A im that good.

Before and After

Sharon Osborne has better tits then you..

2005-11-15T15:06:00.000-05:00

Just kidding, there gross. Plus she has a wart on her right nipple that looks like it has a head. Im scared of her nipples. Hold me. Get a fucking grip man, enough blabbering here are her frankentitties. Chills...

Speaking of scary body parts on celebrities, take a look at Jada Pinket Smith's aweful stomach. Its fucking looks gross. My 87 year old grandmother has a nicer stomach then her, speaking of which I saw my grandmom nude once, F - I - N - E, fine.

Everyone knows that Kevin Federfuck is trying to be a hard core rapper, well guess what, he is. I heard his demo and its FUCKING OFF THE HOOK. He is going to be soooooooo HUGE, but youra gonna have to wait, till 2008.. YO
But anyway here is K-Fed smoking weed, PLAYA!

Alot of you have been asking me to post a picture of Uncle Eddie, my friend that comments on here alot. Well you got it. Here is a picture that took of him, taking pictures of birds. Thats what he does...freak.

Kids and Parents take SEX TEST.....

2005-11-15T09:24:00.000-05:00

Teen Sex,

Tucker weighs in on teens and sex, first what they say then my opinion.

What the kids are saying about Sexual orientation

Its up in the air right now. I dont think at this age its set in stone.
Girl, 15
Tucker Says - Bullshit, a guy knows right away if pussy is for him, if its not your a fucking homo.

Why they havent had sex

I dont want to be an animal.
Boy, 15
Tucker Says - Animal? Listen son, shes the animal, put her on all fours, fuck her and make her bark like a dog if you dont believe me.

Im not waiting. I just havent had the right moment.
Girl, 17
Tucker Says - Where are you now?

Lack of a partner.
Boy, 18
Tucker Says - Sad. Next..

Teen sex overall

Its gross. To think about all these kids having sex makes me want to vomit.
Boy, 16
Tucker Says - Youre gay. Next.

You should have sex only when youre ready, because its overrated.
Girl, 17
Tucker says - Your fucking ready when I say your ready.

People are always discussing it, so not having it makes you feel lonely.
Girl, 15
Tucker Says - This girl is a winner, sounds unstable, easy lay.

Its awesome, but wait until youre 16.
Boy, 14
Tucker Says - This kid ALMOST made me proud.

I dont think you should have sex in ninth grade. Probably tenth.
Boy, 14
Tucker Says - Sounds like youre a homo.

Regrettable sexual experiences

When I lost my virginity. I did it for the wrong reasons. I thought I could get him back that way.
Girl, 15
Tucker says - Boo hoo, you lost him cause your fat and ugly.

Fingering. That really wasnt very fun.
Girl, 15
Tucker Says - No, here let me show you how it could be fun.

Having sex with a girl during her period.
Boy, 17
Tucker Says - Thats my boy, did you earnn your red wings.

Feeling guilty after a sexual experience

I feel a little bit tainted, especially if its a random hookup. I feel slutty.
Girl, 15
Tucker Says.. Its not just a feeling, you are a slut, might as well deal with it now

Teen sex parties

They happen in the suburbs. I would never go to one.
Girl, 17
Tucker Says - Yeah right bitch, try your ugly and you werent invited

Parents Advice

All they said was, Keep your pecker in your pants.
Boy, 17
Tucker Says - Your dad is funny. Tell him I wish he followed his own advice, cause youre a moron.

My father tells me stories about his youth and scolds me for not having as much sex as he did.
Boy, 18
Tucker Says - Tell your father he is now my hero. I owe him a beer.

Well kiddies, thats me answering the kids questions about sex. Now let me tell you my little story about how I lost my virginity.

I just turned 15 and it was a threesome. Me and 2 girls, we fucked in every position with me taking turns on each girl. For example, I would fuck one doggy style while the other watched then I would switch girls. IT went like this for 3 or 4 hours till I finally blew my load on both girls as they lay on their backs waiting. It was the best day of my life, one that started a long and healthy career of baning bitches. I am a god amongst mortals.

Im fucking perfect and you arent.

2005-11-14T12:42:00.000-05:00

I’m perfect in every facet of life. I’m the perfect boyfriend, son, brother, student, performer, roommate, and writer. Here’s why!

-I’m the perfect boyfriend because I have a big penis. I’m the perfect boyfriend because I do nice things for my girlfriend. Nice things like giving her the opportunity to touch my penis. And it’s huge. Specifically, eleven inches. Ergo, perfect.

Then, once in awhile, I’ll be even nicer and leave her a special treat: nude Polaroids of it under her windshield wipers. Then her neighbors and sister and mother can see that I’m perfect too. Though, you might be thinking, “That’s not perfect, Nick!” Well fuck you, I do more for her than that. For instance, I don’t give her oral sex. And that’s also because I’m perfect. See, I’m doing her a favor by leading her on. She sees it as a challenge. But, truth is, my mouth is never going down there. Don’t tell her.

-I’m the perfect son because I’m the perfect boyfriend. And remember, I’m the perfect boyfriend because of my abnormally large penis. My mother goes through town and the townspeople tell her: your son is so nice to that woman of his. And she smiles. And you know nothing is worth more than that. I also clean the floors with my penis; I chop wood with it. The house is always warm and clean.

Occasionally, my penis does get jealous. I gently remind him that some things are impractical.

-I’m the perfect brother because I intimidate my sister’s boyfriend with my bulge. He won’t think about leaving her as long as he’s in the shadow of my monster schlong. I intentionally invite him to the gym so he can catch a glimpse of my third leg. But I’d better not catch him looking. If I do, I’ll slap him with it. Then he’ll feel the wrath. Oh yeah, I help her with algebra homework too. Not with my penis though. My penis prefers trig.

-I’m the perfect student because I have a 4.0. And I have a 4.0 because I fuck my professors. With my enormous penis...all of them. Easy there. I’m not that bad. I mean I have standards. It just so happens that my penis doesn’t. So it’s more like him fucking them, not me.

He does have two prerequisites. Does it walk upright? Does it have a vagina? Yes, Yes? Well then, he’ll fuck it! And I facilitate his lust by choosing only healthy, female professors. One might say I got an A in finding the G spot. And clitoral sciences.

-I’m the perfect performer because I wear tight pants, thus—you guessed it—revealing that I’m hung like a baby (8 pounds, 4 ounces, 21 inches long). Didn’t see that one coming, eh?

Oh yeah, I know all the lyrics to every Guns ‘N’ Roses song too. Not because I’m perfect, but because I’m a stone-cold rocker mother fucker, hard to the core. Also because Axl is in the big penis club too. He’s my hero.

-I’m the perfect roommate because I don’t fuck the girls my roommates bring home. I could, because I have a big donkey dick. But I don’t. Mostly because they all have STIs or STDs. Whatever they call it nowadays. I’m too busy grooming my penis to read the paper. I also dust the chessboard and roll the Xbox controllers up when they leave them out.

-I’m the perfect writer because I just wrote a lengthy article about my penis, and you read it all. Ahahahahaha sucker!

thiswasfuckingstolen

Victoria's Secret Pictures....

2005-11-10T10:16:00.000-05:00

Ill tell you whats not a secret, its no secret that I would bang the hot right off any one of these fucking broads. I dont get it, where are the girls like this in the bowling allies and arcade parlors???

This guy is nice enough to give complete strangers a ride...

2005-11-09T10:23:00.000-05:00

This is the funniest video I have seen in a while. Watch as these guys scatter when they see that their destination isnt what they where expecting.
Click on Icon to Watch Video:

Knocked the fuck out

I want to tell you about a Hollywood romance...

2005-11-08T14:43:00.000-05:00

Here is the short story of related lovers...
Billy

Meets

Kirsten

And they have twins

Bilsten

Kirly

Thee End.

Writers block and the "Line-Up"

2005-11-08T11:40:00.000-05:00

I never considered myself a good writer. Actually I couldn't even pass college English. I know cause I took it three times. So the terms that come with writing, um yeah I don't know them either. Well maybe one and that's writers block. It just came all on all of the sudden. I run 8 blogs, and write for another one that has nothing to do with me. I just send in things to this guy I met that started a blog. If he likes it he posts it, if not no big deal. In the past 4 days I haven't done jack fucking shit. I cant. Nothing good is coming to me. SO you should probably save the few minutes of your life and not check back here for a little bit. Im not updating until I can come up with something really good or I find something really good worth stealing from another site. Which ever comes first I don't really care.

A lot of you have been asking about my ex, Jenna. Fuck that bitch. Its over between us. Unless she wants a quick protein shake or some thing, but other than that I don't see us ever getting back together. It doesn't matter, cause the true is after being with a girl for 3+years you are pretty much sick of her anyway. That's why for now on I am only going to date girls for 3 months or less. No exceptions.
Lets not try and fool ourselves. Think about it, 3 months is the perfect amount of time to meet a girl, have dirty nasty sex everywhere and then BOOM at the 3 month mark its adios slut. On to the next slut that most likely have lined up before the break up. That actually brings up a good term. Its called the line up. The line up is a girl that meet but don't hook up with. You keep her waiting for 2 reasons. First reason is cause you already told her you are in a failing relationship but you don't want to cheat on your present whore. Second reason is the longer you make her wait the more she wants you and the better the sex is. Trust me. I know what I am talking about. I never break up with a girl unless I have a line up that is 100 percent ready to step in. This doesn't mean that you cant go back and have sex with the ex. That sex will always be available. I would say that once I got with the line up girl that in 90 percent of the cases I went back and had sex with the ex. In some cases it may be months later. Guys you must be careful though cause girls will always have a special place for an ex. That is why you must never ever ever ever ever allow a girl you dating to see her ex. If she does automatically assume she atleast sucked his dick. Most likely she fucked him, she'll deny it but I know she did. I know, cause I am the ex guy thats fucking your girl. Thats why I don't allow that fucking shit. Period. I lay the fucking law down right at the get go. Dont call me jelous, call me smart and been there - done that. You can take that shit to the bank. If you let your girl see her ex well then I hope you enjoy the taste of my cum.

I think I just cured my block... thanks for nothing you fucking useless basement dwellers.

Paris Hilton has Dork eye.

2005-11-07T12:10:00.000-05:00

I use to get dork eye when I smoked weed. I think my oldest sister use to get it too, if she is reading this I know she is laughing her ass off cause we use to laugh and laugh and laugh about it. I know what your thinking, and the answer is yes,I use to smoke weed with my sister. Anyway It was the damndest thing, as soon as we took a couple hits of the ganja, one of our eyes would half shut - on its own. Funny as hell. Anyway Paris Hiltin has this, but she has it all the fucking time so either this bitch is permantly stoned or she has a retarded eye. I wanna think that she doesnt smoke. Anyway look at her mutant eye.

Here is a what I was really thinking while I did this update.. a peek inside tucker's mind.

God damnit till this day I can not get over the fact that this leg spreading, disease spouting ghetto whore is famous. Seriously she makes me want to wipe out a day care or a litter of puppies. As a matter of fact right now im actually pounding the keyboarddsz,,vcx, I want punch MYSELF IN THE FACE, maybe it will dull the pain of hating her..
'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...
OAHHAGHFO{EIHRTO{IH TGOP{IH G{.kkkkkpaj[sdokho[ihf o;ij I FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKINGGG HATE HER..

Since we are on the topic of revenge...

2005-11-04T15:39:00.000-05:00

Two Words - "Oh Shit", is all I can think of when I read this story. Here is the basic story behind these painful pictures.

A guy and a girl get a divorce. Guy is still in love with girl, girl starts seeing other people. Guy tries to find out who girl is seeing. Does. This is his way of evening the score. I guess he figured, "You take something from me and fuck it, Im going to take soemthing of yours and fuck it UP."

I sure as hell hope the pussy was worth it, cause this fucking car is totally totalled dude. Ouch.

Keyword searches that lead here..

2005-11-03T12:22:00.000-05:00

I have a hit counter on the site. Its the tiny yellow thing to the right with numbers on it. The site that handles this for me also offers several reports. One of them is a "keyword search". That is what people put into google, msn, yahoo ect... These searches lead to sites that have the keywords somewhere on the site. The top keywords for tuckermaxx.blogspot.com are .... well take a look, sick fuckers.

fucking fat chicks
natalees holloway
dick sucking lips
Jennas Bush Pics
Beth holloway twitty
dirty filthy sluts
dirty filthy whores
hard core dick pics
hard core pics
std fucking
std
Britteny Muprhy
natalee holloway "whore"
cocksucking sluts
anal fucks
tucker max
tuckermaxx
tucker maxx
whores
sucking
drinking
bush

Im not sure how those words got on here but you are all sick , anal fucking, std having Brittney Murphy and hard core pics wnating cocksucking sluts.

Happy 400,000th hit Tucker...

2005-11-03T11:18:00.000-05:00

Today or tomorrow I will pass 400,000 unique hits. Thats really impressive if you ask me. Considering I put the counter on the site less than 4 months ago.

I am going to start blogads on here, so if anyone knows anyone that is willing to sponsor me, Ill give you a dollar.

Please leave your comments and congrats in the comments section, thanking me for this blog that brings you all so much joy.

Ok enough baby games, lets move on.

2005-11-02T10:19:00.000-05:00

Now that I have declared war, won said war and even imprisoned someone, I am ready to move on. You see I get bored very easily. Maybe I have ADD, probably not, but maybe. So I ran across a few images on the net that I would like to make fun of, first up Demi Moore's children. You would think with genes coming from Demi and Bruce that these kids would be fucking hot commando strippers but that is just not the case. As a matter of fact they are down right ugly. And the youngest, I swear to god she is a demon or an elf. Take a look and you tell me.

The article should have been titles, Demi's Girls ... or are they? Or maybe Demi's girls ... hidden for a reason. Im telling you, that young one is evil. I cant look at her for more then a second with out getting scared.

Peter Brady aka Christopher Knight is banging America's Craziest Model, and god damn it is he one lucky fucker. She is smoking hot, half lesbo, only fucked 3 dudes before him, 23, and crazier then your grandmother. Take a look at this pic, the dude is basically fucking her doggy in public. If I tried that with my Ex, who you all know by now, I would have gotten a kick to the berries.

What a great combo, every chic should come in Crazy and Hot.

And to end this post im going to clump these last few together. Words cannot describe A. What a fucking homo Carmine Gotti is, he is god damned lucky John Gotti is dead. That's all Im going to say about that. B. Jason Alexander, who? Oh that's right he was the hick that married that piece of trash, Britney. Anyway now he's a rasta pirate. C. I dont know who the fag in the toga is but he made me laugh. Nice arm pits homo. My friend Uncle Eddie shaves his pits too, does that mean he is gay?
A.
B.
C.

The End.

Holy Shit - I had the craziest Halloween EVER!

2005-11-01T13:04:00.000-05:00

Ok so everyone knows the story about the last post. In case you don't, look down under this one dumbasses. Anyway so yesterday I get home from work and there is a letter on my front door saying "Youre fucking lucky you weren't home, I guess you thought I was talking shit. Faggot." . So I immediately go into my townhouse and log on to my pc. I check this site and then a few of my different email accounts and whatta know, there are 2 emails. The first one is from Ms. Whore herself, and it reads as follows:

Tommy,
I cant believe you. How could you do this to me. I swear to god I never cheated on but I wish I knew you were capable of doing this because I FUCKING WOULD HAVE. Tommy please please please take my pictures down off your website. MY FUCKING COUSIN called me and told me about it. You are going to do damage that will last forever and HURT ALOT OF PEOPLE. IF I have to I will go to the police. I don't want to but I will and I will tell them all about your "activities". Please Tommy, if I ever meant anything to you, you will take the PRIVATE pictures, that I did for you off your sick website. Please. What if my father sees them, you know Pete is going to tell Uncle Joe and if he tells my dad, well you can consider yourself a dead man. I don't want anyone else to get hurt. Please Tommy take them down. Call or email me back ASAP.

Jenna.

I replied:

Dear Jenna,
You don't have to worry about me, I already got an STD test and Im good. Im sure you cant say the same WHORE. I know you cheated on me. Your BEST FRIEND FUCKING TOLD ME. Now fuck off.

Love Always and Forever,
Tommy.
PS. Thanks for the wonderful memories.

The second email was from Pete. His email can pretty much be summed up..ah fuck it, i'll just post his too:

Youre a fucking lucky man Tom. Me and some friends took a little trip to your place today. Notice anything missing? We'll be back after dinner asshole

.

So I went outside and looked around, and can you believe those fuckers stole my god damn mail box... too fucking funny well for me anyway, I called the cops, reported the theft and told them who did it and where I thought it was. So the cops went to Pete's parents house cause the dude still lives with them, and sure enough there was my mailbox sitting in his back seat. But it GETS WAY BETTER---because it had mail in it, thats a federal offense. That stupid fuck got ARRESTED LAST NIGHT.... What a fucking night!!!!

So I called Ms. Whore and told her that Pete just got locked up and that its all her fault and if she tries to tell anyone about tuckermaxx.blogspot.com that I will press further charges against Pete. I told her that if she wants me to take her pictures down, she has to give me back our sex tapes... HAHHAHAHAAHAAA.... And the saga continues..... More coming.

Happy Halloween Jenna, Trick or Treat bitch?

2005-10-30T16:56:00.000-05:00

Im going to get real for minute. As you all know Im not really Tucker Max. For those of you that did not realize that, your fucking retarded. For the last 13 months I had been dating a girl named Jenna. Im not going to tell you her last name cause I know the kind of people that come here are sick and twisted. As much as I hate her now, thats still a little too much, even for me. People say that pictures are snapshots of life. That moments caught on film last forever. I agree. Towards the end of our relationship I was trying all types of things to liven the relationship(sex) up for me. Because as you know, its all about my needs. One of those things was I starting taping us having sex. I dont know why but it turned us both on. However the one arrangement that we had was that if we were to break up she would get the tapes, and she did. What she didnt get was the memory card that still pictures were stored on. See girls are dumb, and dont understand electrical gadgets at all. She didnt realize that once in a while I would switch from taping to picture mode and snap a few shots.

Soooo fast forward to 3 weeks ago. She and I broke up over something so stupid Im not even going to get into it on here. Anyway I went to a party last night and at the end of the night one of Jenna's drunk fucked up whore friends comes over to me and tells me that Jenna is a bitch, this that and the other thing and that she cheated on me 3 months ago with her ex-boyfriend. MOTHER FUCKER, I thought. I couldnt believe it. Now the reason I am so pissed is because I could if cheated on the bitch 100 times but never did. I know, Im stupid, my fault. So why I am telling you all this?? Very easy, Im going to give you something Tucker Max never would, could or will. Im going to share the pictures that I took with the thousands of you that come here every week. As a thank you. Thats right and even better im not going to post again for 7 days, just to ensure that everyone gets to see them. These pictures will stay as the first post until either A.) She sends me an email FUCKING BEGGING for my forgiveness and owning up to being a fucking WHORE.(so i can post it) B.) Her lawyer sends me cease and dissis.(so i can post it) C.) Her father or brothers come to house and kills me.

Enjoy Jenna I know I did and apparently so did her ex.

UPDATE **************************
Video of Jenna

So if I was on a deserted island and could 16 things... this would be it.

2005-10-28T16:43:00.000-04:00

Ever wonder what Cheers on Porn would be like, wonder no more.

2005-10-28T16:40:00.000-04:00

Cheers and Porn

New Feature - Freaky Friday News Links

2005-10-28T13:14:00.000-04:00

Suckered By Stripper, Man Sues

Man poses as cop, for dates, gets caught. Now he'll have plenty of dates, in jail.
Looking to turn your car into a convertible?

MillionDollarHomePage, past half way point

Confirming what everyone already knew. Captain Sulu came out the closet, in his Star Trek uniform.

Embarrassing himself is not enough. David Arquettes' brother/sister/freak is getting a sex change, and taping it for us all to see.

Awesome Halloween Costume-Cowgirls

I would mount that fucking horse on the left and ride her till she dropped.. She is absolutlyfuckinggeorgeous, for a thoroughbred.

Annnnnnnnnnd I'm out. Have a safe and scary Halloween my little Freaks and Cockgoblins.

Goonies - Where are they now?

2005-10-28T11:40:00.000-04:00

No where is the answer to that joke. The only 2 thatamounted to anything were Josh Brolin, who's famous for beating the shit out of Diane Lane and Sean Astin. Sean Astin has really never been in any bad movies and he is probably most famous for his roll as either Rudy or "Sam" from the LOTR. Anywho here they all are re-united 20 years after Goonies was made. I must admit I really like this movie.

And I would still take a double team with fries from Stef and Andi, although Stef would have to wear a bog over her head. Cause she scares me.

Janet Jackson Exclusive: Photo of her daughter.

2005-10-27T16:08:00.000-04:00

Janet Jackson is back in the headlines, except this time it's not her saggy tits or nude butt slapping and this time its more jucier that Juicey Fruit(umm). According to her ex-husbands-brothers-cousins-nephews-pool Janet had a baby 18 years ago and hid her from the world. No big deal right? Wrong bitch. I for one believe the story but I dont believe the reason he said for why she gave it up. Something about the family hid it because of her career. But the real truth is they were hiding the baby from Michael. But the really the joke was on them, not Micheal because everyone knows that Michael would never molest a girl. HeeHEE.

Meet Renee Jackson.

She has been living with the Janet's sister who was also hidden after birth. How do I know this? Easy no ones ever fucking heard of her until now.

Normally I dont post hard core nude pics BUT this is pretty funny

2005-10-26T14:11:00.000-04:00

This brings a whole new meaing to loving your stuffed animals. The thing is this chick is smoking fucking hot. Is this what her life has become?
.

Brittney Murphy Exclusive: She is now ugly.

2005-10-25T21:11:00.000-04:00

What in the name of all that is holy was Brittney Murphy thinking? Apparently she is tired of Meg Ryan holding the title for "Hollywood's Worst Plastic Surgery". Her surgeon should be disbarred, although im pretty sure he isnt a layer too. She looks down right scary. I posted that she had her lips doen but after a little investigation I realized that I had just scratched the surface. She has had a breast job, a brow lift, a nose job and a lip amputation. I say lip amputation cause Im pretty sure they cut the lips of a victim of hurricane Katrina and sowed them on her. I got a picture and circled everything that she has had done:

If you want to share the link of my astute observations, using ms paint this is the link -
http://www.imagecash.net/image.php?file=856132171&owner=tuckermaxx
just copy and paste.

As you can see she has in fact had her nose slimmed, eyes lifted, chin implanted and lips made to look scary. I rest my case. Bring on the laywers.

Brittney Murphy finally has dick sucking lips...

2005-10-25T15:49:00.000-04:00

Im not sure if I am the first to point this out, im sure I am, which is no surprise but Brittney Murphy got facial work done. She looks like a retarded Angelina Jolie, which again is not surprising because the bitch has been pining over Angelina since Brittney played the fat chick in the movie about the crazy broads, starring that one celeb who stole shit and got caught, while on pain killers and shit, end of run on sentence. Anyway look at FrankenLips in her first POST OP picture. Oh I put the before picture first for extra shock value. Fuck me.
Normal Brittney

FrankenMurph

Prime Time bitches dropping the stiches.

2005-10-24T13:31:00.000-04:00

Janel Moloney, Marg Helgenberger, Kelli Williams, Garcelle Beuvais and last but not least Mariska Hargitay. Mariska is really the only reason these other homely bitches are even gracing this website. They dont hold a candle to my love monkey. God damn that Elliot is one lucky mother fucker. If you dont know what Im talking about, then you fuck you and dont ever fucking come back here again. If you were on fire I wouldnt piss on you, to put the flames out. or you can just watch Law and Order: SVU. Then you will be up to speed. Mmmkay, see how nice I can be, you failed abortions.

(this is a little diagram of what I want to do with Mariska 8====D\|/ )

Some people have no eye for fashion, green sneakers?

2005-10-20T10:57:00.000-04:00

Things ive done that I am ashamed of - Just kidding.

2005-10-20T10:29:00.000-04:00

When im drunk, I like to randomly walk around town, removing manhole covers. So far 9(ive been drinking for 8 years now) people have fallen down the holes, and there's been even been articles in the local papers. I'll probably keep on doing it. The thought of someone walking along and then just dropping down a hole makes me laugh.
You should try and if you dont laugh well then obviously you dont have a sense of humor.

I had a mazda 626 and on the way to the bar one night I got a flat tire. Well I walked the streets until I found another 626, got out my jack, jacked up the car, took the tire off and rolled it back to my car 4 blocks away. I did leave a note on the window thanking the owner of the car.

When I was in 10th grade my friend Eddie and I bought a dime of weed with another guy, smoked it together and then rolled up oregano for our friend. We actually watched him smoke it, trying to keep a straight face that night was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done.

If a car door is unlocked I will put their head lights on then lock the doors. This way the battery will die and that person will most likely be late for work. The thought of that person trying and trying to start their car with no luck makes me smile.

Ill pot more later... Remember my little fuckers its the little things in life that make you smile, seize them. Oh and keep your doors locked.

Kelly Carlson from Nip/Tuck sex doll.

2005-10-18T12:59:00.000-04:00

Kelly Carlson has said that the doll, which was used in an episode of Nip/Tuck will remain in her living room because the thought of men abusing it creeps her out. I understand that. Considering there are "three wipe clean" orifices and it LOOKS exactly fucking like her I would think that no man would buy that "just to have". Man the things I would do to that doll, lets just say when she got it back 3 out 3 holes would sealed shut, get it, cause man goo is sticky... any way here is "Kimberly" sitting next to the doll. I also threw in a picture of the Kelly topless just so you could get a sweet taste of what that doll would look like nekkid.

I also added a few more pictures just cause she is freaking hot and you only come here for one reason anyway. Perverts.

Today is Natalee Portman day.

2005-10-18T09:14:00.000-04:00

Why? Cause I said so. Ah Natalee how I love you so. The things I would do to that lovely body of yours. So as a present to you all for Natalee Portman Day here is a nice little picture gallery.

I know, I know normally I wouldnt share nudie pics of my girlfriends but this is a special occasion. So please just look - NO FUCKING TOUCHING YOU ANIMALS.

Updates...

2005-10-13T09:22:00.000-04:00

Hot Links:
Well it looks Chris Wilson has made bail. Authorities have charged Chris with over 300 counts of obscenity. It actually took a whole day to process his bail due to the fact that each count had a 100.00 dollar fee. The whole situation is a little rediculous. I am 100% behind Chris.

Demi Moore and Ashton McFuckhead marriage pictures are all over the net. I refuse to post them here. Demi looks hot and Ashton looks like a gay 1920's gangster. Pics here.

Videos:
Naked hottie get lit on fire - Thats hot...
Girls and waterslides
Cat fights are cool
Snakes are strong

Hotties of the week: Raquel Gibson

Christina in new Pepsi Ad:

Closing Thought:
There is nothing wrong with men sitting down when they pee its wiping when youre done that is gay.

HELP CHRIS AND PROTECT YOUR AMENDMENTS... WHAT IS WRONG HERE?

2005-10-11T09:22:00.000-04:00

Have a look at this and tell me what you think. Its about a website operator that was arrested for the content of his website...
Save Chris Wilson

Save Chris Wilson. Now you may be asking, "Who is Chris Wilson?", well im going to tell you. His site ThatsFuckedUp.com has gained national attention due to some "explicit" content. Apparentley his site is one that you can send in nudie pics of your girl and he'll post em. No big shit, well it seems like soldiers started sending in pics of their "Kills". He posted them and now he is in jail. I think its bullshit and he is a scape goat.

Hurricanes... gotta love em!

2005-10-10T16:48:00.000-04:00

I secretly enjoy catastrophes and love to see scenes of mass destruction. Every hurricane season I hope for the biggest worst storm to wipe out a major city in the south, besides my own, finally my wish came true!

I was excited to see all the damage after hurricane Katrina. Natural disasters are always fun, and besides, any destruction to the south is a good thing. Fuck the stupid, poor negroes,& redneck piece-of-shit people that live there. Now I'm pissed my tax dollars are going to go to cleaning up that shit hole. Fuck that! They should just leave it as it is and have the people just fend for themselves. If they can't get by on their own resources, then oh well...they should have left when they had a chance, but they stuck around to loot and kill & rape...fuck em all!

This post is dedicated to the fine people of Maine. So safe and snugg waaaaaaaaay up north. May you all die.

This year when you go to Mardi Gras dont forget your swimmies.

thiswasstolenfromearl

Do you like your Amendments??? What about the FIRST ONE.,...

2005-10-10T12:41:00.000-04:00

Those Japs are a whacky bunch... I think this is borderline rape... IM IN!!!

2005-10-06T15:40:00.000-04:00

Here are three videos of guys that walk around with a hidden camera and
Pull the tube tops off
Unsuspecting girls
As they walk around.

Im pretty sure this would land you some jail time here in the US. Im booking my flight out of LA, to Japan. Jessica by my side..

Tucker Maxx leaves feeling guilty.

2005-10-06T14:34:00.000-04:00

I think that some people may have had the wrong Idea about this post. I posted this piece, which was directly stolen from Earl to point out what a sick bastard some people are. To anyone that I offened it was not intenion to do so. Hopefully people are smart enough to realize that I do not approve of anything child realated in a sexual manner.

this post is dedicated to drunkenstepfather

Looking for Love in all the wrong places...

2005-10-06T11:00:00.000-04:00

Find a fuck partner today.. or At least meet real people.
You sad fuckers that come here probably have no choice but to use the internet to get chicks. I know this and so do you. I would be willing to bet that you havent left your mommies basement in weeks. Look at yourself, you're pathetice. Sitting in your soiled fucking panties, whacking your bag at interwhores, its fucking sad. So go ahead click one of the links above, do a free sign up but post a fake picture cause your nasty ass wouldnt attrack flies if you shit smeared on your face. Try getting some real action cause kissing your mommy goodnight isnt first base asshole.

Since we are on the topic of pathetic, what in the fuck is up Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes having a alien child. Man I really feel bad for that pussy Cris Klien. Besides being a dick sucking shitty actor, waking up everyday knowing that Tom fucking Cruise stole your chick is like being told you have testicular cancer - not good. Maybe if he wasnt such a whiney little bitch he could have atleast popper her cherry. Greg Kinear got more off Katie Holmes in the "Gift" then he did in 5 years. What a god damn loser. Im fired up. I swear to god I want to punch Tom Cruise right in the baby maker.

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lagay are getting a divorce...

2005-10-05T13:02:00.000-04:00

The only question I have is who in the entire fucking world didnt see this coming, well besides this guy, but thats about it. Lets face it this whole situation can be summed up with this simple little equation, ((virgin pussy + horny guy)+(wedding night sex + stupid fucking girl)/(reality show + (couple working - Nick))* 4 years + stupid fucking girl = Divorce + Nicks happiness + More pussy pounding . If you understand that you should have played the part of Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting, cause he sucks too, which is neither here or there. Actually speaking of Matt Damon whats up with his pussy side piece Ben Afflack. I never saw a guy more desperate to get a ball and chain, well except for my buddy Brian. Man what a pussy, Ben not Brian.

Fellas the power of the pussy(virgin pussy at that) is no match for any man. BUT even that man once he has pounced on the kitty enough will get tired of it. For every hot piece of ass out there I can find 3 guys tired of her(it). The news of this is going to be hitting the fan tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow Ill be on a flight to LA trying to win her love. Jessica I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

I dont care if the math equation doesnt make sense, im a riter you fucks not a fucking mathlete.

I cant believe I didnt think of these things first... I hate myself.

2005-10-04T10:53:00.000-04:00

Want to win a million dollar tee shirt? Shit I fucking do, check out this guy and his idea to make a million dollars and give a million away. Be a Millionaire .

Also this is fucking awesome, Million Dollar Home Page

Seriously my hat is off to these 2 guys. I hope they do it.

Who me? Noooooo.

2005-09-29T10:31:00.000-04:00

You know things got a little a crazy around here for a few days. It seems that people in Japan flip out over celebs, 40 years later. Who would have thought. Christ with all the porn and great commentary I put on here I would think this place would be like that every day. Any way as a thank you to the little people (japanese are a small people) todays updates are for you....

Who is the faker?

Angie McKay - Miss Thailand - Nude.

Truth about strippers - Stripping away the myths.

Good -getting drunk, Bad - passing out, Really Bad - getting thrown in a dumpster.

Ok thats enough for now... I have to get back to work.

Later fuckers.

Let me be the first to say WELCOME to MY Japanese and Mexican visitors.

2005-09-26T09:35:00.000-04:00

Tucker Maxx への歓迎。. 私はあなたの新しい定規である。. 私が見つける操業原因試みなければ。. 大いに裸の女の子にここに会う .
そしてアメリカの名声を知りなさい
更新を楽しみなさい
私は多くの女性と性交する

For my english speaking and reading visitors I basically just said welcome to Tucker Maxx. If you think you are going to see 13 year old girls getting bukake baths, well you have come to the right place. And that I will drop the fucking a-bomb on any slant eye hacker that tries to fuck this place up. You see over the weekend ive gotten around 20,000 hits coming from japan and mexico..

Any way here are the updates for all you spics and nips.

This video is seriously crazy. WATCH IT.

Playboys' Girls from McDonald's

Teen Sex: Questions and Answers

Great Celebrity Gossip

GorillaMask.net.

Picture of Jenny McCarthy Peeing herself on Howard Stern

Nude Girls.

Drunken Fight

Vuelto por favor. Para ver a muchachas desnudas y celebridades.

Celebs.... 40 years from now. Still doable if you ask Tucker.

2005-09-22T13:17:00.000-04:00

I found these and quite honestly they are down right scary. I feel bad for actresses, not only do they get MUCH uglier with age they also lose work because of it. So you want to see what the A-List hotties of today will look like in 2045?
Yeah me neither but here they are:

HOME PAGE- TUCKERMAXX

I can honestly say I would still fuck the shit, literally, out of Angelina Jolie. Even at 70 she looks smoking. Could you imagine the blow job from her with those lips and once she took her dentures out ... Ceeerist almighty. And yea Paris Hilton looks like she'll still be skanky attention whore.

Extra, Extra read all about it... Tucker's a homo and there's no doubt about it.

2005-09-20T16:28:00.000-04:00

Ok so maybe Im not completely retired. And how could I be, I mean with every thing going on with celebs and shit. Who else is going to tell you that Jerry O'Connell and Rebeca Romain are getting married. Unfuckingbelievable right? I mean how the fuck did that tubby little fuck grow up and get her. Who would have thunk it? Speaking of tubby little fucks, Kate Moss, has been all over the news lately. Between coke fueled orgies, coke filled nights at the recording studio with her ex-boyfriend and getting fired, I would say she has had one hell of a long week. Unfortunately for her she was awake the entire time. You know from the coke... Anyway moving on, here are a few clips that I saw laying around the www, check em homey.

Cool
Cooler
Coolest
Fucking Awesome

After thinking long and hard about it I decided that instead of becoming like you all, meaningless, I would instead turn this site into the beast it should be. With a little dedication and regular updates I know this thing will grow like a niggers afro in the south - out of control. SO keep coming back and tell your friends about the all new tuckermaxx.

Later faggots.

Look what I have for you all...

2005-09-16T16:02:00.000-04:00

Victoria Snelgrove - Ultimate Red Sox fan.

2005-09-13T14:47:00.000-04:00

Today, almost a year after the riots that left one girl dead, the officers involved were cleared of any charges. Victoria was an innocent by stander that was in the wrong place at the wrong time and for that she paid with her life.

Officers won't face charges in Snelgrove death

None of the Boston police officers involved in the fatal shooting last fall of 21-year-old Victoria Snelgrove will face criminal charges, prosecutors announced yesterday.

While he described their actions as careless and negligent, Suffolk District Attorney Daniel F. Conley said the officers who fired pepper pellets into crowds celebrating the Red Sox's pennant victory did not intend to hurt anyone but were trying to protect the public and themselves.

Family sues gun manufacturer. B4.

Snelgrove, who was struck in the eye by a pepper pellet, died because of a series of bad decisions by the Police Department, including inadequate training, planning failures, and inappropriate use of force, but not because of ''wanton recklessness" by any officers, the legal standard for manslaughter charges, Conley said.

This is ridiculous. It clearly states that officers and officer in command were not certified to be using the pepper guns. Well how THE FUCK COULD THEY BE INNOCENT of any wrong doing. This is the last picture of her taken ALIVE. Less then 2 hours later, the same two girls, one alive and one DEAD. And the gun that shouldn't have been used in the first place, Pictured here Very sad.

Looking to make money with site...Well more than I am now.

2005-09-09T12:06:00.000-04:00

So tell me guys and gals, how can I make more money with this site. Im looking for 200-300 hundred a week, what can I do. Ill give the person that helps me, 15% just for the help.

I would like to show you how much this website own's MSN. Possibly, well before Katrina, the most famous names on the internet were Beth Holloway Twitty, Joran Van Der Sloot and Natalee Hollway. If you got to msn search, put those names in, you'll see yours truly as the number one link out of 20-40 thousand possible links, cnn and msn news stories included.

Also put in Tucker Max, with all his websites and stories from websites "better" then mine... well check it.

Its Friday Fuckers and Tucker is heading to OC, MD.

2005-09-09T10:16:00.000-04:00

Im going to Ocean City this weekend for a buddy's bachelor party and its GOING TO ROCK YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF. Well mine actually. Its going to be a weekend of complete utter debauchery(my favorite word) consisting of beer, bitches, shots and puking not necessaliry in that order. Im going balls to the wall and balls deep in any whore that will have me. Consider me a man on a mission from the devil.

Anyway enough about me lets get on with the updates and shit. Seeing nutshot videos never gets old for me, like this one for example. I love them, seeing these dudes crush their nuts always gets a good OWWWWWWWWW out of me. Besides a good shot to the nuts I never get bored of these jack asses on motorcycles wiping out and fucking up themselves and their bikes. Like this numb nuts. Man, good times huh? Its not just motor bikes that create awesome spills but regular bmxers to. Take this rookie for example. He wont be doing that again for a while. Faggot. But maybe the best videos out there are hardcore fist to cuff videos. Whether it be Hicks, Chicks, neighbors or highschool kids there's nothing like seeing someone get jawed. If you like something a little more grittier check this guy out, he gets shot 4 times. Awesome right? All this violence is GREEAAAT, but you're probably saying Tucker, what the fuck, where is all the pussy at? Good question. Its here, here, here and here. That last video is the best. I whacked my cock black and blue because of that hot shit.

If its not hardcore spills, nutshots, fights or dirty sluts that gets your attention well maybe your either gay or a faggot. If your either dont ever come back here again cause I HATE YOU AND SO DOES GOD. I know that for a fact. Well im off to do a little work and then when this fucking work day is done im heading to the OC. Hopefully that skinny bitch Mischa Burton will be there so I can cock fuck her mouth and then drop a Miller Light and king crableg mixed deuce on her chest. Im into that nasty shit.

(Let me know what you think of updating the site in "paragraph" form does for you. In the comments section- you lazy fucking dna mistakes.)

Site Rundowns... new edition. Bobby Brown style.

2005-09-07T13:17:00.000-04:00

There is a new site that is awesome. Check it out Iterwebsbest It sums all cool sites so that you dont have to. Basically a melting pot of cool shit.

Big-Boys.com
Popping sits is cool, taping it is cooler.
Rollerblading is AWESOME, sadly this kid is not awesome at rollerblading.
Parking can be dangerous if youre in the fucking gheto.

Tucker Maxx is going back to his roots... LOOK OUT.

2005-09-07T12:29:00.000-04:00

You know some people have been telling me lately that this blog has slipped, jumped the shark as some say. That I have gone soft. THey ask what happened to the tough asshole that made fun of everyone? Well the answer is simple. I let some fruit cake named Eddie to write the site for the last few weeks. I know I know.. I am sorry. But I thought he was cool and witty and was going to do a knock out job but I was wrong. So he is fired and now I am back in the reigns. My nickname for him is needle dick, which in case you are wondering how he got that name, well take it apart sound it out and presto.

Now that order has been restored and peace and quit is over lets get down to the shit that has got me boiling. NOLA is the first thing. I would rather hear that Natalee Hollowhead is missing then see more shit on this hurricane. WHAT THE FUCK. It was a freaking sun shower for christ sakes. So what some people drowned. BY NO ONES FAULT BUT THEIR OWN. Besides the fact that they knew the storm was coming, they should have realized, "Hey this here house, made 50 years ago, aint wooter proofed". Seriously what the fuck did they think was going to happen? By the time the water over came the levee, was it still too late? Nope. But for some reason or the other these "folks" must have thunk to themselves, "Sheeet, if dat der wooter come in dis here house, i'll go to da attick". Guess wut hick boy, 20 feet below sea level + 15 foot attack or in simpler terms 15 - 20 = D E D.

Moving on, after the "shower" was over and the people realized they were basically floating in 20 foot pool, their roof being the float, um do you think they thought maybe its time to get out dodge? NOPE. They are staying, refusing to leave that shit pit, filthy dirty dead bodied littered soup bowl of muck. I say let em go, if they aren't smart enough to get out by now, well then they don't make the cut as a person that is allowed to live on the same earth as me. Do you understand and agree with me? No well then maybe you should head to NOLA without your swimmies on, cause I hear another one of GODS showers are heading there - PUSSIES.

Every other blogger out there sucks so more cock then their mothers on prom night.

Black people are dirty, God thinks so too.

2005-09-02T15:08:00.000-04:00

If you believe that statement then you and I are in agreeance. It makes perfect sense the New Orleans is 80% under water. If you think about the population of New Orleans it is 2/3rds BLACK. Thats almost 80%. God made the storm to clean/wipe out the dirty black people there. You call it a flood, I call it a good thorough bath. Now that its(the black parts) are broken down and clean, its time to rebuild. Well the white parts anyway. That is all. I have to get ready for my date in a little bit.. who happens to be a beautiful black chick... I hope she doesnt read this.

Put that in your pipe and smoke.

The cops is more crookeder then us.... Nawlans is in trouble.

2005-09-01T10:16:00.000-04:00

From shooting at chinook rescue choppers to cops looting, Nawlans has no officially proven what it would be like if big brother wasnt always watching. Give people and inch and they will take a flat screen, and thats the police. I feel bad for the millions of displaced, thousands dead, and the hundreds who didnt get to walmart in time for the special five finger discounts. If you want to help you can go to RedCross.org and donate, even if its only a buck or two. I did and so should you. If you dont your pond scum and normally my type of person. So whats everyone doing this weekend? Getting fucked sucked and tatoo'd? Cool me too.

Luba, nuff said (NSFW)

Budapest Panty Party Thats not what its really called, but I dont speak Buda, so...

If you love me and I know you do, you will all chip in and buy me this ... dolphin/ under water flying machine Christmas is right around the corner assholes.

New drink in Nawlins, "The Floating Corpse"....Creme de Cacao, Kahlua, some rum, a little cream and a floating Chocolate Baby.

Dr Phils son is engaged to the #2 Dahm triplet. I dont know their names, Im pretty sure there, 1,2 and 3. I posted a link to her nude photo's as a present to him considering he hates the fact that she is an ex-playmate I think he'll love it - my present that is.

Must love Roadkill

I have 2 bachelor parties coming up. One is set in stone the other is up in the air.. Any suggestions would be appreciated... skip the usual "Get hookers and blow"... done and done.

Quick update, I need you to need me to masturbate.

2005-08-30T10:03:00.000-04:00

Ummm Blowjob?(id be a real dick if I didnt tell you that this is NSFA) Btw for the retards that come here, which compared to me is 99% of you, NSFA means not safe for anyone. I just made that up.

Check out this awesomely rotating building complex.

There is still some good out there, and this is the story to prove it, well the 3700.00 fair didnt hurt either

BulletinBoard.com Im not going to post the shit from this site, well not after the first link here BUT check this site out, if youre a sick fucker like me.

Attu sees all from across the unknown pond, if someone would be kind enough to tell me where he is from and not tell me how cool he is that would fanfuckingtastic.

Gorilla Mask babe forum. Im not sure if you have to be a member their, and if you do sign up, trust me dont tell them I sent you, but if you have to sign up, its worth it, now see what I mean about not being able to write so good? Anyway there is always nasty dirty bitches that are hot and NAKED here.

You know I was thinking about sharing a real life experience with you, the 5 or 6 hundred people that come here everyday, but to be honest, I changed my mind because it would take alot of writing, which im not good at, and honesty, again not good at. Im a man with FEW weakness, no strike that, no weakness. Remember that fuckers or I will stomp your dick in the dirt. Im going to fuck a fat chick tonight and when I come on her pre pubescent chest Im going to scream, "Fred Durst fucked Britney Spears and she has a hairy muff". Peace out fuckers.

I know I know I know...

2005-08-26T14:59:00.000-04:00

Youre all lame ass fuckfaces, who have nothing better to do then come to this piece of shit blog and bitch. Well guess what I dont post for you fuckers. I post when Im bored or if I find something really good worth stealing from someone elses web page. And to be honest this past week, all the sites I go to, save one or two have been really slacking. Its all the same shit, Ciara's near cock pic, Jessica Simpsons Panty shot, Scarlett Johansons See through shirt and the lame list goes on .. I want to bring you something new, something fresh, something that says, Tucker Maxx isnt a fucking homo, even though he likes analplay from timte to time. The sad truth is I just cant seem to get into the swing of it and find that stuff. So until all the shitty websites that I go to for my material, drunknstepfather.com, thesuperficial.com ect..start stepping it up this site will continue to suck as much dick as I do during a weekend in San Fran.

Anyway, as always G-Mask.net is a good time waster. Not to mention Im going to keep sending him traffic and mentioning his site until he returns the god damn favor. RP.

FormerGirlfriends.com and I have set up a link swap, so check em out. There are some really good ex pics.

A new favorite website is Attu.blogspot.com. He is my new buddy from across the pond. Im not sure which one, because I dont wehre he lives, but I know its nt the US.