Tucker Max - Tiny Hands means Tiny Penis.

Tucker Maxx is back... fucking you up.

2007-02-09T15:57:00.000-05:00

I cant believe after not posting for 7 months over 100 people a day still come here. Just for you Im back to posting and being the hot shit that I am.

Im going to start posting pictures and stories of the girls I fuck. Starting with the "Girls of 2007" then working backwards. Its going to be hot.

Holy Shit - Tucker Maxx is back and nastier than ever.

2006-07-13T23:51:00.000-04:00

Just kidding faggot. Im sick of that im back shit that I see all over the place. Where have I been? Well sweet lips thats none of your fucking business. I have a life, one that doesnt revolve around the net or blogspot.

Ok now that I have said that, I missed you. I really did, I missed updating for 3 people and missed all the great comments by the brains that come here. Now, here is a test, which of the above was a lie?

Well if you guessed the part where I said "I missed you".. your not only wrong but youre fucking gay..cause only a gay guy would want me to say that...faggot.

Anyway lets get back on track, Im moving this shit shack to a real domain, one that doesnt PIMP that pussy Tucker, every time i post. So stay tuned and to the 3000 people that have come here since july 1, get ready.

this post was typed in under 3 minutes and not proof read. fuckstick

Last Update until whenever I fucking feel like it.

2006-04-28T16:14:00.000-04:00

Can you guess who's camel toe this is???

Well since I dont know how to do the whole "after the jump" thing I guess I'll just have to give you the answer here... ITs Jessica "the lips" Simpson... Get it... Lips.. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

What in the holy that is all holy fuck is Jamie Pressley doing here? I have no idea but if doing a cock tuck turns her on and would get me in her private place, then you should look at me right now...Buffalo Bill aint got shit on me!

Whitney Houston has just signed a deal...

2006-04-28T12:24:00.000-04:00

Whitney Houston is set to star in the upcoming D.A.R.E movie. At first when she read the title of the project she refused, even though she thinks "Crack is Whack". Producers for the movie, backed by HighTimes, told her that D.A.R.E in this case means Drugs Are Really Excellent, to which Whitney agreed. On both issues. That drugs are in fact excellent and that she would do the project. Shooting has begun, and an Uncle Tucker fan got this picture of Whitney before and after makeup.

Is there a category in the Oscars for Best Make-Up, cause the person that pulled this transformation off is a genius. She really does look like a crack addict, its a good thing that no one has ever been able to produce the receits of her drug buys.

Update: I just found out that artist responsible for Whitney's awesome make over is Bobby Brown... hmm never heard of him.

You want beauty ...

2006-04-27T22:09:00.000-04:00

Well then Uncle Tucker will give you beauty...

Anna Benson Nude ...

2006-04-26T20:39:00.000-04:00

If you dont know who Anna Benson is then you never heard of Major League Baseball. Personally I hate watching that shit. Its up there with hanging with your grandparents and working 9-5 on the FUCKING IM ABOUT TO KILL MYSELF TO ESCAPE THIS BOREDOM scale. Seriously even with pounding beers and trying to get some stadium sex I still cant make it through a whole game. Anyway Anna Benson was a stripper before she married pitcher Chris Benson and before the fake titties. Basically she was a pole swinging coke whore. Not that there is anything wrong with that but that's besides the point. But if you're a straight dude, balls intact, you'll notice she's fucking hot. Now lets play a game, can you guess which one is from 1993?

Ah I love it when nudie pics get discovered. Anna don't bother having your attorney contact me, Im not taking it down. Not to mention, you were a stripper for how long????

Picking up steam...

2006-04-26T16:59:00.000-04:00

I am popular again. Im not sure if its the Sex Tape of a Sports Illustrated/Super Model that's doing it or the fact that im fucking awesome and people sometimes just forget. Im pretty sure its the latter. Since you have all taken an interest once again, I feel as though I should be giving you all a good reason for loving me. So after checking out the web for shit to steal from other people this is all I have come up with... I guess Ill just give you a rundown of whets going on in the world. Well atleast what I think is important anyway.

Wanna hear about Darth Dingleberry. Click Picture for story.

This little fucker went to school as Darth Douchebag, and instead of a glock, he went with a bb gun. Fucking dark side man...Really slipping these days.

My best buddy, Ed just opened up a Male Hair Salon(he's gay..just kidding, he's bi), he asked his girls that cut the hair to show him their best work. This what they came up with.. I think next time he'll use a test subject rather than himself

Wanna see how you would go about becoming Siamese twins with one of your friends? It really easy, alls you need is a your buddy, a pipe and a 40 mph collision. OUCH

If you have never gone to gorilla mask to check out Ryan's enormous penis, I mean Boobie Collection, you should. You know what they say about a guy with lots of porn...um he's ah got hairy palms... i got nothing. But he has the porn. LOTS OF PORN

Wanna see the chick who is suing Chris Rock, yeah men neither UNTIL I found out she was NEKKID...

Cindy Juggs Margolis is doing playboy and Denise Juggs Richards is a crazy whore. Read about them both at one of favorites, WWTDD.com

Ok fuckers that should keep you busy for a little while. You just got the total package, humor, news, celebrity gossip and jerky jerk material. Im the best I know.

Carolyn Murphy has a sex tape now I have it TOO.

2006-04-19T11:15:00.000-04:00

Carolyn Murphy is the face of Estee Lauder, a top super model and SI(Sports Illustrated) swim suit cover girl. Man when I was kid I remember when the swim suit edition came, I use to run up to my bathroom, put the shower on as cover, and furiously rough up the subject. Of course I was only 12 or 13 at the time. Im pretty sure when I climaxed only a little clear liquid came out...Umm Uh, anyway back to Carolyn Murphy. She made a sex tape here it is. There, now I have to ah um take a shower.

CLICK PICTURE TO VIEW - VERY NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR
YOUR CHAPPED PENIS

If I was her, im not sure what I would be more embarrassed about, the actual sex tape coming out, or the way I danced like a crazed nude monkey in the beginning... Its so bad I feel embarrassed for her.

UPDATE

Websites across the land have been getting threats from Carolyn's lawyer, ironically the same lawyer as Colin Farrel, to pull the tape or get fined. I say fine, fine me. I was one of the first to post the tape and I will be the last to pull it down.

Meet Alien Cruise...HAHAHAHHAA

2006-04-13T12:40:00.000-04:00

Since im in my Anti-TomKat phase i figured I would treat you all to this new blog... about TomKay, from the view of the baby...its pretty funny..cause I made it.

Link here BabyTomKat.blogspot.com

Tom Cruise M.D ...

2006-04-12T13:58:00.000-04:00

(photo taken from GQ shoot, Cruise insisted they use it)

Tom Cruise basically thinks that he is an M.D. I couldn't agree more, except in this case M.D. stands for Mentally Disturbed. Tom recently went on the record, in the new issue of GQ magazine, saying that he can personally take a drug addict off of heroin in only three days time. Well yeah of course, if I came down off a heroin bender and saw Tom Cruise (Pictured Above) I would get the fuck out of there as soon as possible too. The hits just keep coming with Tom. Oh yeah he also went on to say that he can heal broken bones like Mr Miagi. I honestly don't know where he went wrong. I guess that accident involving him and Goose, fucked him up more than we originally thought. Anywho, here is the direct quote from the article:

"I think it's appalling that people have to live a life of drug addiction when I have personally helped people get off drugs." In the interview Cruise claims he can "get someone off heroin in three days through Scientology's detox programs.....Cruise went onto claim that arm casts were unnecessary, and that broken bones could be healed in just 5 days through Mr. Miagi's obscure hand rubbing followed by a well placed band aid."

Tom I think its time you get yourself a tape recorder, so that when you say stuff like this, you can go back and listen to it, and hear what a douche nozzle you sound like.

Ever wonder what a Vagenis is??? Well now you dont have too Check it out

Rapper "Proof" from Eminems D12 11 shot dead...

2006-04-11T13:12:00.000-04:00

DeShaun Holton aka "Proof"

was shot in the head and killed outside the Detroit night club, Triple C. The rapper was only 30 years old. Police were overheard saying that they haven't found any leads because lack of Proof, hmmm. However they do have a witness that was over heard talking about an argument over what Proof Cristal was, what? . One thing police said they are certain of is that Dashaun wasn't Bullet Proof.. obviously?

There may be grammatical errors in this post, dont lose your head, I didnt Proof read it.

And Im out.

Nissan's new Ad campaign is doing the job..

2006-04-05T13:02:00.000-04:00

News in the auto world is that Nissan has been CRUSHING the competition with the new z350 Ad campaigns. Sales have almost doubled since the company released the much anticipated "Wanna Fuck a hot Blonde? Buy a Nissan"... I swear thats the actual campaing slogan, must be in Europe some where. Anyway check it out...HERE

I see why sales have doubled..
(preview)

I dont understand why they say Sex Sells.

Starting a new Bloggy Blog..

2006-04-05T12:32:00.000-04:00

Ill be starting a new blog with in the week. Details are sketchy and so am I. Ill let you fuckers know more when I do. All I know is the blog will be awesome cause I am awesome. Everything I touch or do is awesome.

Speaking of awesome, I want to tell you all real quick about this bitch I fucked the other night. She was your typical slut, 18, hot, coke head.. you know the deal. Anyway I was sitting in the bar minding my own business and I notice this hot white chick with some nerdy black guy. Black dicks and white chicks make me sick. They say once you go black, you dont go back, actually my motto is once you go black, we dont want you back. Anyway, me being the outspoken asshole that I am waited till they got a little closer and as they walked by I said "Nigger Lover" under breath. Well let me tell you, if you want to piss off both parties of an bi racial couple, that gem will probably work every time. So the dudes tries to get all hard and in my face and says what the fuck did you say.. To which I replied "I said peanut butter". ... woops got to go, ill post the rest later....

cya fuckers.

The perfect house....

2006-03-16T15:22:00.000-05:00

I was looking at these Russian gymnasts and all I kept thinking was, these chicks would be great pieces around the house.
A door mat

Table sculpture

Sofa

Recliner

End Tables

Living Room throw rug

Game Chair - for the kids playing playstation

One for his friend

Stand up Lamp

Folding Table

Umbrella or obviously baseball bat holder

That pretty much covers all the basics of the house... I dont know maybe I just have an eye for interior design..

Tucker scores on Myspace - AGAIN!

2006-03-15T15:38:00.000-05:00

-I have been fucking slaying bitches from myspace for weeks now. Do you all remember Emma? Well I never wound up meeting her, but who cares, she was a dumb bitch anyway. Im not sad because I have been working this other honey, here is her picture I know what your thinking, she's hot. I know this is going to be 100% solid because the bitch emailed me FIRST..

From: jenny
Date: Mar 15, 2006 3:17 PM

Hello
am jenny seeking for Someone special to capture my heart and knows how to handle it with care,one who will cherish me and be willing to share life's greatest joys and sorrows. Someone who's willing to spoil, pamper and love me unconditionally,whom is kind, sincere, honest, passionate, loyal,sense of humor, loving and wants alifetime.and U?when i went through ur profile i really liked it and found both of us %99 compatible,the only %1 missing is that right now am not home.Well am looking for a caring and loving guy who can take good care of me .if you can give us a try ,am sure we can makes something work out this.After the death of my family.: I am looking to meet someone who is honest,sweet,caring,attractive, someone who is getting tired of the bar scene, someonewho will enjoy just spending time together no matter what we're doing.I would love to start traveling more as well.I am into sports and like to explore many different things.I am a fun loving person who loves to laugh and make others laugh. I always try to enjoy the simple things in life,and not take anything for granted. I also enjoy spending time with the family on sundays watching football and playing with the neice and nephews. I love to go out and have fun,but I can also stay in and just relax for easy communication u canthrough jennymyluv_01or u can add me to your messanger list i am looking forward to here from u as soon as possible ..............bye jenny

I replied with quickness...

Mar 15, 2006 3:21 PM
Subject: RE: hi
Hi, wow you are beautiful. What can I do for you? Do you need money$$? Do you need to get to the states? Tell me and I will do it. It doesnt matter what it is.. I think I love you..

Oh its on because she sent me this right back...

From: jenny
Date: Mar 15, 2006 3:34 PM

hello
how you doing am just on the computer wright now but wright now all i need is through love and meant that you guys are curious and you are meant to be bad not to be good so therefore i cant trust man so thereforei have told you my mine if you are interested in getting knowing me so tell me more about your self ..as you have already know some little terminlogy about me ok so i just lost my family in an accident so i dont want to become a widow so i decide to take things in other ok..

Then I sent this back and am awaiting with much anticipation her response...

RE: hello
I cant understand a fucking word of what you are saying, christ what country are you from? It doesnt matter, first I need to know some stuff. Do you have a tight vagina? Do you shave it bald? If you are from Brazil, do you get brazilian bush wax's? Do you fuck on the first date? If so can I fuck your ass and then cum in your mouth? I heard once you go black you wont go back, is that true? If so do you want to test that theory on me? I have never fucked a negro if you are my first that would be cool. I think you could be my wife, and then I could kill you because I dont mind being a widow. How did your family die? Aids? hunger? flies? Can you throw a spear? Get back to me, I think you and I could work out.

Will Ferrell Dead at age 36

2006-03-14T14:38:00.000-05:00

Will Ferrell died yest at the age of 36...

Actor Will Ferrell Dies in Paragliding Accident
Los Angeles -- Actor Will Ferrell accidentally died in a freak para-gliding accident yesterday in Torey Pines, Southern California. The accident apparently happened somewhere near the famed paragliding site after a freak wind gush basically blew Ferrell and his companion towards a wooded area where they lost control before crashing into the dense foilage.

(I-Newswire) - Ferrell and his professional guide, Horacio Gomez of Airtek Paragliding Center attempted the jump at around 2 in the afternoon. According to witnesses, the conditions were basically ideal for para-gliding and the weather did'nt pose a problem at all.

The jump started normally as Ferrell and Gomez glided carefully across the vast area and were seemed headed into the righ direction just before what witnesses said a freak wind somehow blew them off course, causing the paragliding professional Gomez to somehow lose control.

As horrified witnesses looked on, the duo headed straight for the dense woods near the jump off point and crashed at an estimated 60 mph hitting the trees as they hurtled to the ground.

Some friends of the actor who witnessed the accident immediately called up 911. The paramedics vainly attempted to revive the two on their way to the nearby UCSD Thornton Hospital in nearby La Jolla.

The duo suffered major injuries to the head and broken bones that caused the death of the two.

In an interview with Will's parents who was John W. Ferrell in real life, Mary and Hubert Ferrell said their sonn died while doing one of the things he loved the most.

Will was a graduate of the University of California where he finished his Sports Information Degree. Will was born on July 16, 1968. He was 36.

Story here

Lindsey Lohan's Boobie.

2006-02-28T16:34:00.000-05:00

To celebrate and give back to the 500000 people that have come here day in and day out I give you what you have been waiting 3 years for - Lindsey Lohands boob. Now I know that she looks like a freckled skeleton these days but celeb boob is celeb boob and I just want to celebrate so with out further aboob I give you ...

TADA!!! Today is going to be a good day.. Now im off to celebrate Fat Tuesday.

Hey Tucker what the fuck?

2006-02-24T12:28:00.000-05:00

That's the common email I have been getting from my loyal fans. Its actually sad and I feel pity for the poor schmuck that come here everyday looking for updates and shit. It seems that I have lost my creative juices, as one person has so eloquently put it. I know half of you cant even pronounce the word eloquently and those that can sound their way through most defiantly doesn't know what it means. Anyway yea so what, this shit is a lot harder to do than most of you that come here and talk shit about how bad I suck think it is. Day in and day out searching the web for shit to steal or plagiarize. I mean its tough stuff. So with that said I am back bitches. Im going out like Kurt Cobain, with a bang. Updates all through the day today, so stay tuned fuckers. Im going to blow your cocksack off.

Happy Valentines Day..

2006-02-14T13:55:00.000-05:00

Valentines is about getting the pussy.

This chick is hot

2006-02-12T18:06:00.000-05:00

Lucky Guy.

Im just kidding, I would kill myself if I was a midget. They're creepy. The sad thing is you see 2 love birds playing a little minature golf, I see 2 aliens getting ready to spawn a creppy little alian midget. Thats why you are fucked up and come here. So Tucker can help you help yoursleves. In my opinion, the only one that really counts, midgets, drawfs and mexicans(almost midgets) shouldnt be allowed to procreate. In 30-70 years they would no longer exist, problem solved.

Tonight, go find yourself a midget and tell him the new plan.

Penis Enlargers verse Vagina Tightners

2006-02-09T22:15:00.000-05:00

Actually we cant have this debate CAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PILL THAT TIGHTENS A WOMAN'S VAGINA. Why not is the question I have. I am sick and tired of getting 50 emails a day asking me, scratch that telling me that my dick is too small. Guess what mother fuckers, it aint. I have an above average penis size thank you very much. But lets take a look at this for a moment. Girls have it easier than guys in the southern private parts department. Far too many times I hear "It was so small I could barely feel it", well bitch do you think that's maybe cause you can fit a bowling pin in your vag? King Kong wouldn't satisfy you. But can you tell a girl that her shit is loose.

No.

Why not? Men lets stand up for our man that stands up for us. Once and for all. Will it sting, will it get us slapped, yeah probably but Im tired of woman skating free on this one. Sure it may have been a kid or 2 that stretched that hole. But what about the chicks with no kids - Yup, she's a cock whore. Now you be asking yourself "How will I know if she has kids or not" Well dummy you can ask but if you dont want to ask, just look for the stretch marks. Plain and simple. There is no other way or answer for it. So the next time you hear that you have a small cock guys don't take that shit. You stand up and say well if your shit didn't whistle on a windy day maybe just maybe you would feel something. Shit.

I typed this out as fast as you read it so blow me if isnt well thoug out. I just read an article about penis size but I have never read an article that talks about stretched vag. Please guys let it out in the comments.

Here is the ARTICLE I was talking about HERE

Just kidding its Here

Im thinking about killing this at 500,000 hits.

2006-02-09T16:35:00.000-05:00

This blog has been in the dumps probably before I even went to Cali. Im dealing with shit -- never mind this blog was never about me so im not going to start that now.

Im starting a new blog about my life.

I figured between the 4 sites I run I get about 5-7 thousand hits a day. Not alot but but it could be a good start for a new blogger.

If you want the sites there yours. Leave a comment, tell me why you want them and if I agree then there yours.

Its been a pretty good run, I would have never thought 500,000 people would come here in under a year.

Peace out fuckers

Jim.

Title Monthly Hits
Amateur Hour 7224
exgirlfriends 6852
Tucker Maxx 8887

(in case you dont believe the hit count - from my counter)

Big, Big, BIG FUCKING news...

2006-02-06T14:16:00.000-05:00

Me and Myspace Emma are going out Friday night. I guess she was turned on by a guy finally calling her out on her shit and not kissing her sweet ass. I have to tell you guys Im fucking stoked. This chick is fucking hot as nails. Who was I kidding, I never even farted near a girl as hot as this chick. Man I cant wait to get my cock between those luscious titties. Fuck man Im getting hard just typing this shit. I haven't stopped staring at her picture all day. I just hope this isn't some trick to get me alone so her pig I mean big brother can kick my ass. In that case Ill be pissed. I would take a beating if it meant getting to play with her squirrel. Ill steal her beaver covers, take a pic and post on here Sat.

I hope you all learned a valuable lesson in picking up chicks. The lesson being, girls like honesty. If that means calling them a lying bitch with fake tits and no brains then so be it. Im going to punish her crotch. Bitch is going to have to learn to walk again after I get through with her.

I hope she doesn't read this, I don't want her not wearing panties cause I said I was going to take a picture of them.

Oh yeah on a separate note, I want to take a minute and Thank Dredogg, I blamed everything on you needledick. This chicks brother, wants your IP address, which I have, it will cost you 250 bucks to silence me. Stop being a pussy by the way, if you want to talk shit to my future wife then you better be willing to back it up. Pussy.

Myspace - Third and Final battle.

2006-02-03T08:27:00.000-05:00

To my complete delight I logged on myspace this morning and there it was, her final comeback. Wanna read it? Ok here it here it goes...

Im feeling great today. It still sounds like your not getting laid and you have all the anger built up inside.
Its ok sweetheart one day some girl will feel sorry for you and take pitty on your little peanut and you can release some of your aggression that you feel you must take out on me.
You enjoy yourself in N-TOWN and play with your little computer harassing women you will never be able to date.

Good luck with everything.

Poor girl, clearly she is outbrained and obviously she had to think real long and hard(just like my dick) about this. I whipped this back in her stupid face...

Ahaha, my little peanut, again you speak of things you couldn't possibly know about me. Thus rendering your come backs obsolete. (If you need me tell you what that means I will) Just so you have your facts right I have been getting laid and actually since you brought it up, my dick is over 8 inches with impressive girth as well. Normally I don't brag about it, I let him do the talking but since your feeling insecure now about your body and feel the need to insult mine, you have left me no choice.

This comes down to you be all fired up cause youre use to having guys fall at your feet. The simple fact is that I hang and fuck chicks way hotter, alot nicer and not half as stuck up as you. You just aren't all that, you been lied to all this time by dudes who are the EXACT opposite of me. Dudes that have a tiny "peanut" and who don't get "laid" and tell you how beautiful you are, their lying. Change your blurb about yourself. It sucks. I was trying to help you out but I see now that your all chest and no brains - typical. Sweeten up, I could see if you were a super model or something. You aren't though, your a decent looking chick in a pool with fake tits, (real or not it don't matter - there big and useless) trying real hard to be sexy.

I would have zero problems picking you up at a bar, btw, except I dont go to those parts of Bucks County (Bensalem)...I like to stick with the Upper Class people. Clearly after talking with you I made the right choice.

After tallying the totals I believe the score is Tucker 3 Emma 0. I hoped you all enjoy this segmant of MySpace live blogging.

Next episode Tucker picks up Myspace bitch to even the level.

Updated - Myspace Girl owned by Tucker.

2006-02-02T15:50:00.000-05:00

SO I posted a little ditty yest. about me and some retard from myspace. Well Today I sent her this :

Subject: feeling better today?
Have you calmed down, I was worried cause I never heard back from you yest. I thought for sure that a smart "teacher" such as yourself would be better equipped to defend herself.

I guess the only the equipment you count on is your umm, permanent floatation devices for when youre swimming.

Remember those he can do, those who cant - TEACH!!

Ill post her reply after work... its priceless.